To all my single ladies...

Last night, I was chatting with a sister or a friend - a single girl.  She was telling me about the boys in her life and at one point said, "I just can't wait to get married."

All of the sudden, I was having flashbacks and I wanted to share them because I think every single LDS girl feels this way at some point.

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I was 18 and off to my freshman year at BYU.  Everyone in my home ward was prepping me, telling me that I would be married faster than I could blink.  That is what I wanted and now expected.  Oh how wrong.  I got to BYU with my chin up, ready to date and find the man of my dreams.  Freshman year went by and all I got was one group date.  Let me tell you about this group date.  My date bailed last minute and found someone to fill in for him.  Eh.  My sister was also on this date because she was in town visiting.  Guess what?!  At the end of the date, my date asked me for my sister's number.  And that is how I felt about dating my freshman year.

Then came year number two, living in Liberty Square with 5 of my favorite girls.  All of the sudden, boys between the ages of 19 and 21 weren't around and I was hanging out with 22 year old men.  I thought for sure this was the year.  I was so ready to be a wife and do wifey things.  I got my first kiss this year and dabbed around with dating a tad.  I did spend countless of weekend nights alone though.  I left for summer with an Argentine semi-not really-boyfriend.

That summer, I went to Mexico and I am so grateful for that opportunity.  I loved it and it was there that I realized I still didn't know who I was.  It was there that I caught a glimpse of who I wanted to become.

My junior year was just a lot of fun.  Some dating, maybe a bit more than my sophomore year, but I was in the special ed program and school was finally everything I wanted to study.  I started to realize that maybe I didn't need to be in such a rush to get married.  I continued to find ways to make myself better. I kept growing. (And now I was amazed that I ever thought I was mature/ready for marriage my freshman year...).

Senior year came and I made some big leaps on the dating front.  I had my first boyfriend and my first heartbreak.  I learned so much.  All the dating I had done the previous years helped me get back onto my feet and get out there again.  I had a better idea of what I needed in a relationship and how I could be better in a relationship too.  Graduation came and went.  I made it through all 4 years at BYU without getting married.  I thought that was such a huge feat and I hated it, BUT it is happening a lot more often than we think.

I saw countless friends get married.  It started to hurt my heart a bit.  Sometimes I would just feel so lonely.  And this loneliness didn't happen only after graduation.  It started my freshman year and was felt often throughout all my single years.  It was in those lonely moments, when my heart just longed to love and be loved, that I relied on my Savior's atonement.

 Alma 7:11&12:

11. And he shall go forth, suffering pains and ^aafflictions and^btemptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will ^ctake upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
 12. And he will take upon him ^adeath, that he may ^bloose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to ^csuccorhis people according to their infirmities.

Christ felt it all.  Yes, He atoned for our sins, but He also suffered all our pains, afflictions, temptations, and infirmities. That stinging loneliness that I felt so often was a pain.  It was an affliction.  And through it, I turned to the one person who I knew understood what I was feeling.  I developed a very real and very close relationship to my Savior during those years.

Once, I almost got engaged, but something in my heart was off.  I felt so sick.  After we had come up with plans for our future, plans that I fell in love with, I knew it wasn't right.  Girls, never ever feel like you are stuck once you've said yes.  You deserve so much more.

After that, I realized how much I needed the gospel to be a part of the life of my spouse.  That lead me to the next man in my life. I dated him twice because I really thought it would be him.  He was that spiritual strength I needed, but of course, he wasn't the one.  Telling him that, especially twice, was heartbreaking, BUT I learned so much from him.  Again, I had a better idea of who I needed to be and what I needed in a spouse.

30 Rock introduced me to the concept of a "settling soulmate" and though I joked about it often, sometimes it sounded like a great idea.  A settling soulmate is "the person you were meant to settle for."  It isn't the ideal situation, but it is one that both sides could, hopefully, benefit from.  Ehhh... Liz Lemon's response to the idea of a settling soulmate - "Settling soulmates?  That is grim.  And I've played Monopoly alone."  Settling is not worth it under any circumstance.

I had so many good guy friends at BYU.  They are awesome guys and we always had so much fun.  For awhile I was convinced that I was struggling to be in a relationship because I compared my dates with my friends.  That wasn't fair, but these guys 1. always treated me better and 2. already knew me.  It was comfortable and I didn't have to worry about rejection with friends.  I didn't marry any of them, but again, they showed me so much of what I was looking for in a spouse.  Find and surround yourself with good guys.  It's ok to let them help you build your confidence.

Finally, after trying everything (online dating, blind dates, trying to make it work with an ex - again, dating within the ward, dating your substitute) I found Ashton and it all just happened.  Everything fell into place and once I said yes, I never doubted it!  I was always happy and continue to be happy.

Even in those moments of loneliness and longing for a relationship, I learned to love life and have fun!  I made yearly trips to Vegas for the basketball tournament.  I traveled with friends to football gamess.  I went on TWO cruises.  I went to New York multiple times.  My single years were full of spontaneous road trips, good friends, new adventures, and a whole lot of fun.  On top of all those exciting single activities, I learned how to be independent.  I became successful in a career that I love.  I bought myself a car.  I supported myself financially and did all those grown up things. Just knowing that I was independent successfully for years is so empowering.

Mostly what I want to say is don't rush.  Don't feel pressured.  Learn to love yourself so that you can let someone else love you.  Discover your independence.  Don't settle - there is no such thing as a settling soulmate!  Don't lose happiness because so and so got married and you are still single.  Those negative emotions are a waste of energy.

Never ever ever everrrrr feel like you aren't worth it.  That you aren't beautiful enough.  That if maybe you lost 15 pounds handsome man would love you.  Never think that he only dated you to get to your best friend.  Don't talk yourself into thinking married life isn't for you if it is.  I regret each and every time I thought any of those things.  More wasted energy and time spent moping.

Enjoy the single life.  This summer, I heard someone give Ashton's brother some real good advice. "Once you're married, you'll never be single again."  It's true!  So make the most of it!  Have fun.  Spoil yourself.  Be the best you that you can while you are single.  Learn to be independent and find the power in it!  Learn to be confident without being in a relationship!  Learn to love life by yourself! Go out and celebrate you!  Because you are worth it.

You never know when it is going to happen.  So don't give up.

I won't lie, marriage is sweet.  I love my husband and I love being a wife.  I am thrilled to be married, but I wouldn't trade any of my single memories to have gotten married any earlier than I did.  I hope that makes sense.