Sunday, January 27, 2013

my mom

I haven't been the greatest with blogging so far this year...

Somehow, I am more than a week late for my mom's birthday post!

My mom is perfect, just the right mom for me.  She is so much of what I want to become.  

There isn't a rubric telling you the right way to take the news that your son has cancer and then all the trials that follow.  That type of thing only happens in a parent's nightmare, a nightmare that became a reality for my mom and dad.  I will never forget how amazing they were through everything.  They were so strong and such an example to everyone following Porter's story.  Mom stayed with Porter every night.  We all tried to have a turn spending the night, but somehow it always was mom.  She would tell me from time to time that Porter was too embarrassed to admit that he didn't want to be sick with anyone else, that he needed his mom, but I get it.  No one can tickle your back until you fall asleep like mom.  Just having her there makes you feel better.  I also think that mom wanted to spend the night with him more than she let on.

My mom feels a lot with her heart, just like I do.  She hates to see us hurt and sometimes it frustrates her when she can't fix our broken hearts.  She is fiercely loyal to her family.  She has taught us to work hard and supported us in all our goals.  She has always been my cheerleader - even at high school swim meets (quite possibly the most boring spectating event there is).  She is always proud of her kids and always wants to take care of us.  She is selfless, giving everything she has to us.  I don't even think she realizes that she does it anymore.  She loves my students and they love her.

She is my rock - the one I call in every situation.

Once upon a time, I got put on the wait list for the Special Education program at BYU.  I was more than devastated.  I remember opening that letter and just sobbing.  I spent a few hours in the library trying to collect myself.  My poor mom.  I called her pretty much telling her my world was over.  That if I couldn't get into the program I was going to drop out of school because I could just be an aide and work with my kids that way.  She was brokenhearted for me, but knew I needed to pick myself up and keep trying.  She tried to get me to look at other majors that would allow me to work with my students.  I was being stubborn (as usual) and frustrated that she didn't understand - no other program would work.  I told her that she didn't get it and then I could hear her crying, telling me that it was so hard for her to be this far away from me when I was in such pain.  I never wanted a mom hug so bad.

Plus, my mom is hilarious.  My favorite is when she laughs at herself.  She can do the jerk and sometimes gets which is your temple and which is your foreheard switched around.  She supports loves spontaneous dance parties and tries to teach us how to dance before dad does.  She raised us with alien and ghost talk - something I love!  She taught me not to take life too seriously, a lesson I really needed in college.



Mom,

Thank you for your unconditional love.  Thank you for the life lessons you have taught me.  I love that I get to see you whenever I want and never have to go to Target alone.  You are my example.  You get me through all my tough moments, all the heartbreak and stress.  You put up with my "diva" and I am so grateful for that.

I love you with all my heart!
xoxo

Monday, January 7, 2013

happy last chemo

Since April of this year, my blog has mostly been about my brother's battle with bone cancer.  Well...

On December 9, 2012 Porter left Primary Children's for the very last time.

I remember walking into Primary's that Sunday afternoon excited for Porter to come home for good.  I didn't even think about getting emotional.  I was focused on getting Porter and going home.  As we were getting ready to leave, the nurses had him come out into the hall and ring the bell as they sang, "Happy last chemo".  I will never forget the smiles on their faces while they sang.  I have never felt so much happiness.  There is no way for me to express the amount of gratitude that I will forever have for the nurses and doctors who helped my baby brother.  Porter rang that bell as hard as he could and smiled the whole time.




In a few weeks, Porter will go back to high school. Slowly, life is going to get back to normal-ish.  We are still waiting for his hair to grow back and until it does, I will continue to smother his smooth head with kisses and rubs.  He is still working on his prosthetic, but he can get around just fine.  He even talks about snowboarding in the near future.

These last 9 months have been the hardest and the most amazing 9 months of my life.  Like I have said so many times before, I have never been so blessed and felt my Heavenly Father's love so strong.  I have received words of encouragement from friends I haven't talked to since high school.  People who don't even know me and my family have had Porter in their prayers.  Friends and family have looked out and taken care of us.  They have dropped things in their lives to support us.  We have been on the receiving end of the service spectrum all year.  My heart has been touched over and over again.  I have been forever changed by this experience and I am grateful for it.

At the end of all of this, I can truly say that cancer is the worst.  It sucks (I hate that word, but it is the truth). I would never ever wish for anyone to go through the experience of having it or watching a loved one fight it. It breaks my heart when I hear about another person fighting cancer and  I can't help but cry whenever I stumble upon another cancer story.  BUT, if someone is going through that fight, I hope they have an experience similar to ours - where the blessings just pour upon them.  It is amazing how much peace I have felt during all of this.  Life stood still.  An eternal point of view came into focus.  What matters most in life became obvious.  This cancer brought my family together in a way nothing else could.  Cancer has made me a better person.


Syd took this today.  I am so proud of my Porter.  This is probably my favorite post cancer picture and I had to share it.