twenty one

Sooooo...my birthday was Sunday. I am now 21. I think I have hit that point where I feel younger than my age, like, 21 was always old and now I am 21 and I am not sure how to react to that.
My birthday was great though. I spent the day in Draper with family and I just love them. Then my roommate sneakily talked to my family and during ward prayer read little messages from each of them. I cried. Then she invited everyone and had our apartment all pretty with cake and balloons. I love her. My family sent me my favorite movie, Cinema Paradiso, and I am still waiting for the perfect time to watch it. SO EXCITED for that!

This last week has really opened my eyes up to some things and I will have a blog shortly sharing the thoughts I had.

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes. Turning 21 turned out 100x better than I thought it would have.

service and love

We had this really amazing institute lesson last Wednesday. It was all about service and I was just overwhelmed with how I have been served and how Heavenly Father works through the service of others to show His love for us. My sweet friend, Carly, sent me a package this last week. She is such an example to me of love. She takes time to do things for me constantly. I am always impressed with the time she puts into others and guess what, she is coming to visit me in a few weeks!
Then I remembered how I truly feel Christlike love when serving others. It is impossible to not love someone if you are serving them with a sincere heart. My sweet students for example. Thursday was my last day working with them. My cooperating teacher's husband brought in a few of his scouts and if the boys worked with this kids at all, I saw them quickly see through their physical and mental differences and love them for what they are.
More on the sweet kids in Santaquin. Every time I leave a class, I wonder how I can love another one again. This was no exception. I love each and everyone of those students that I got to know. They taught me so much in just a few weeks. I can't even imagine what I am going to be like when I have to leave a class when it is really mine.

So it has been one of those weekends. I think I woke up crying Sunday morning and I just kept crying. It was a release that I needed.

About a week and a half ago, I got a sweet gift from some person who is really looking out for me. That person remains a mystery but the purpose of their gift and the timing of it all is becoming more and more clear as the days go on. On the front of the envelope they had written John 14:27. I had sort of put it in the back of my mind but when I called Mom on Sunday morning, she reminded me of how timely the gift was and told me to remember that scripture. Mom remembers all of the important stuff and I would be a bucket case if I didn't call her everyday.

We really cannot live life in fear, or even in doubt. I feel like my heart becomes "troubled" quite a bit easier than others. My heart is truly the center of everything I do. I am not sure how to explain it, I never have been able to, but my family has always commented on how I grab my heart when I am talking about things that I really care about. My heart feels it first. I have a lot to learn from this scripture. I have a lot of doubt that I need to stop worrying about.



But on a more exciting note, I slept under the stars up Hobble Creek on Friday night. I sat in the sun for 3 hours, hiked the Y, and saw the fireworks for Draper Day (which TOTALLY blew Stadium of Fire out of the water) on Saturday night. Good weekend.

AND Dad updated is website. He seriously takes some of the most amazing pictures. I am obsessed with the new site. Check out jthork.com. I love him.

i NEED sleep

I haven't slept much in the last few days. Just trying to enjoy being a college student by seeing Harry Potter at midnight. It has thrown me off for the rest of the week. I don't know that I have ever been quite this tired before and it has let me see a new side of myself, one I don't care to see often...

What I have learned about me when I am tired:

• I am emotional - happy to sad in seconds, a roller coaster of emotion!
• I can't focus
• I feel drained: emotionally, spiritually, and physically
  
• I am super sarcastic, hopefully not mean
• My head hurts

and worst of all

• I don't smile as often

So, I may or may not be in class right now, struggling to stay awake. I get to go home in in about an hour and I plan to head right to bed for a nap before running (still working on my legs!) and then sleeping again, this time until I have to wake up. Tomorrow is going to be a brand new day! Love Fridays!

more leg drama

Funny how I was talking about my legs just last blog, but...
I think I must just be super tired and it has been taken out on my legs, the ones that I am expecting to turn fabulous any day now.

First, we went to family home evening at my bishop's house. It was great but when we got home, I was walking with my friend, Josh, back to my apartment. Everything is fine and then...BOOM! He catches me as I fall. Tripped over nothing.

Next, Alison and I go running, just like we do every night. Oh it was great! I was running fast, full of energy. About halfway through, I don't even know what happened, but I ended up on the ground, sprawled half across the sidewalk and the rest of me across the grass. My knee is bumped and scraped and today in class I got some cute attention. One of my students even kissed it better.

Then, after running, I went to take the trash out and over nothing, once again, fell with my bag of trash.

I can report though, that I have yet to fall today!

how come my legs aren't the nicest legs around?

So hear me out :) Thursday I tried this little experiment...I counted how many stairs it took me to get from work in the SAB (which is technically on campus) to my class up in the McKay Building. Guess, just guess, how many stairs that totaled!! 225. I do that on a regular basis. Next week I am going to keep track of all my steps in a normal day...should be fun and just prove even more that my legs should be looking so good right now!
I also went hiking twice yesterday. Alison and I have been running almost daily and we have gotten to the point where we can run 3 miles easy, which is something amazing for me if you understand how I feel about running. Yesterday morning we took our run to a hike and enjoyed Rock Canyon. It was beautiful and eventually rained on us for the hike back. We also did the entire hike speaking Spanish which was so fun.
Then get this, the hiking continues! Last night I am in Draper and Michelle's house when my Sandy boys call and say they are going to hike the Y at 10:30. I just had to go, right? The Y has never been so easy for me to do! I loved it and could have kept going. Sooo, my legs might not look the nicest, but I know they are doing me some good and getting me through stairs, running, and up and down mountains!

temple open house and kind people

The world is full of so so so much good. Utah sometimes amazes me with what it has to offer. I have been to two temple open houses within the last 6 months. What an amazing experience for me. The Draper Temple was full of the most beautiful art I have seen. Also, while at the Draper Temple back in February, I saw the eternal perspective of the church. Things that matter so much to people, looks and abilities, aren't quite so important. I saw a baby with Down Syndrome, a volunteer was blind and another was completely burned. Then tonight at the Oquirrh Mountain Temple Open House. It was so organized and beautiful. The wood work in this temple was simple but so stunning. It was so peaceful in its simplicity. I cannot believe how lucky I am to understand that this isn't the end. We have the ability to spend all of eternity with those we love.
After this wonderful evening at the temple I come home and have a note on my door. So this year I have had to work to be more independent, especially financially. I have made it so far but sometimes it gets super tight and I am the biggest "stress outer over everything" that I know. Some sweet person left me a little note with John 14:27 on it and a kind gift. I am luckiest person I know. I am full of gratitude. So many have done so much good for me. Thank you.