"pillow talk"

The thing I miss the most about living with roommates is the late night pillow talk, where everything - all feelings, thoughts, dreams, fears, doubts, loves, etc - can and is expressed with no judgement, but just pure love and understanding.  Yes, living at home gives me lots of listeners, but none of them are in the sameish life situation as me - like roommates tend to be.

Mel and I got to have some time to really talk tonight (something we haven't done purely because sporting event keep us so busy and they are not very conversation friendly) and I am so grateful for the chat we had.  Of course we talked boys, work, future, basketball, boys, thanksgiving plans, etc...I got to be completely emotionally honest and have her understand a lot of what I am feeling.  

As a teacher, I get called mom quite a bit.  Some of my kids realize the mistake when they make it and either laugh or get real embarrassed and say sorry.  Others don't even notice and keep calling me mommy.  Today I was being called mommy in a search for sympathy.  One of my students needed to have their hearing aides checked and the poor kid did not want to go.  Tears were being wiped on my sweater and arms were wrapped around my neck as the hearing aides were being removed.  "mommyyyy.  moommmyyy" my little student whined into my neck.  Don't worry, this was a harmless and routine check up, but my kids know that I can't stand to see them crying and that I really do just melt when they even pretend to be in pain.  It was then that I realized how much I think I am ready to be a mom, to give my whole heart in a different way than I do to my students...

Being single is definitely not easy, especially when my kids remind me how much I am ready for a family, but Mel told me that I need to remember why I am grateful that I am where I am (specifically why I am single) right now.  I should be grateful that I have a career and that I am actually experiencing the world of teaching.  Grateful that I can go to San Diego, cruises, New York, or Texas because I feel like it!  Grateful that I am experiencing being independent - even if that means paying bills and going to church, the gym, and the grocery store on my own.  I am grateful that I have this time to make myself into the person I want to be.  Grateful that I have made all of the friends that I have because that's what you do when you're single.  Grateful for these trials, because someday, he will make all the years and pain of waiting completely worth it! haha So, I might be a little bit of a hopeless romantic.

I am thankful for all of the wonderful roommates I have had - all 14 of them have taught me a lot about myself and life in general.  I have learned to live with a variety of personalities and love it!  I am grateful for our memories, our chats, the adventures, and our dance parties.

things that make me happy

All things I am grateful for make me happy, but these are just a few things (definitely not all things) that instantly make me smile.

• anything yellow
• the sun
• water
• the beach
• temples, especially the San Diego temple
• BYU sports
• phone calls
• old friends
• new friends
• my students
• good/funny quotes
• pictures
• the gym
• emails and letters from friends
• when a song i love starts to play
• chocolate covered cinnamon bears
• rainbows and just the beauty of the world in general
• thunder and lightning
• i'm thinking of you texts
• walking on campus
• field trips
• bowling with my students!
• getting a high score of 96 while bowling!

A few other thoughts from today:

I went to my ward's FHE tonight.  The first one I have been to in this new single's ward.  Our activity: speed dating.  Cheesy...yes, totally.  BUT it was just what I needed.  I haven't been social.  I haven't talked with complete strangers.  All because I don't have anyone to meet people with - No Aubrey, no roommates...I have met Kelly though and she has made all the difference for me in this new ward and together we braved speed dating and I got that social fix that I needed!  Who knows if I will meet these boys again...but I have to admit, I might have put a yes next to each of their numbers because I just want to have friends AND I loved the boys who asked questions and maintained good eye contact. That made me happy.

I also got to talk to the Sam Preston on the phone tonight.  He makes me happy.  We talked about his mustache for a little bit.  Mustache's make me think of Robi and that really made me happy.

So tonight, I am grateful for all of the little things that I love that make me happy!

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

I am trying out the singles ward in Draper, all by myself - something I hate doing.  But, I love that it doesn't matter where I am going to church or whether I am sitting surrounded by friends or all by myself, I can still fill the spirit.  I am still being taught the same doctrines.  Even when I went to church in Mexico and sung hymns and listened to lessons in Spanish, I was being spiritually fed.  That's when you know it is true.

I am so grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  It is one of the most wonderful blessings in the whole world.  I don't know where to begin or how to explain how much I love the gospel.  It fills my heart with so much joy.  If you want to learn more about what I believe, you can check out mormon.org.

I know it's true and I love it.

weekends

I love my class.  A lot.  And I know I talk about how much I love them ALL of the time, but weekends are so necessary.  Not only do I need my Saturday and Sunday away from school, but they need it too!

I am thankful for my weekends.  Thankful that the bell rings on Friday afternoon and I don't have to go back to school for TWO days!

But, I am also thankful for Mondays, when I can see my sweet kids again.

just a little humor in my life

Please do not over look my last post, because I really want to focus on what I am thankful for...

I know, two posts in one day!  Lucky you.

Mostly this is just a little story to give you a tiny laugh.

So.  I am single and I live at home. haha It isn't that bad.  Plus, I keep hearing on the news that it is a real issue around the nation thanks to crazy expensive college tuition, so I must be ok (except, that isn't why I am living at home...).  My family is wonderful and, for the most part, they are always looking out for me.  Especially when it comes to looking for men to set me up with.  Sydney is trying real hard with this one because once I move out, she gets her own room.

Well, this time, it wasn't Syd who found the next love of my life.  It was my aunt Michelle.

Mom texted me at work asking me to call her when I had a sec.  Of course, I called her a few minutes later.  She excitedly told me that Michelle was at lunch and that her waiter was super cute, single, and a BYU graduate.  Wonderful.  Then she told me that Michelle had given him my name so that he could look me up on the one and only facebook haha (I swear this has happened to me before...).  Mom is a little concerned about my facey profile.  I have a bunch of baby pictures that dad has just tagged me in and my profile picture is "a lot more central park than Tati.  Maybe you should change your pictures?" I laughed.  I can't access facebook at work, and  if there was another profile picture I wanted to use, I would have changed it already. PLUS, who says this boy is even going to look?

Then, a few hours later, Michelle calls.  Oh, she made him sound amazing.  About 6'2'' with a trillion nieces and nephews who absolutely love him! He is a huge BYU fan (super score for me!) and just a genuine guy.  She thinks we would totally hit it off together!

Great, now I sort of want this guy to find me.  But, if I never hear from him do I have to live self consciously, thinking that he looked at my pictures and thought ehhh she is alright? haha  Do I change my pictures?  Or have the excuse that he never contacted me because I didn't change anything?

So this is what dating has come to - how I have portrayed myself on the fb.

Luckily, most of this story telling and all my reactions are exaggerated (purely for humor of course).  I am really happy with my life just the way it is - but, in the unlikely case that I hear from mysterious-good looking-BYU grad-waiter, I will for sure let you know :)

parents

Tonight, I am thankful for parents.  Yes, I am very grateful for my mom and dad (see 11/9/11) , but I want to recognize the parents of my students.  These are superhero parents.  They are overlooked and rarely get the recognition and thanks that they deserve.

We had our Thanksgiving feast at lunch today and invited parents to join us.  It was just the school cafeteria cold turkey, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie lunch - so nothing exciting or too appetizing - but we had a good amount of parents show!  I loved every minute of it and was teary eyed more often than not.  There was a feeling of unity in my classroom this afternoon.  All stresses disappeared because my classroom was a place where no parent was going to be judged because of their child, a place where they understood each other. and a place that my class has filled with love.  I got to see the precious moments when my students saw their mom, dad, or grandpa at the door.  I got to see the bond that they had with one another.  Everyone was smiling, parents were sharing stories, and students where introducing their friends.  It was more than wonderful.

I know that having a child with special needs is not easy, but I also know that a family would not be blessed with such a child unless they were absolutely amazing and capable of loving/learning from a child with special needs.  I say blessed because it really would be a blessing to know that you have been entrusted with one of the sweetest souls on the earth.  I say it wouldn't be easy because I know it would be one of the hardest trials a family could go through...

So, I want to send my gratitude and love to all of those parents who care and love for a child with special needs, especially to the parents of those whose children have been in my class.  I recognize everything you do for you student - whether it is making him a peanut butter and nutella sandwich because it is his favorite or making sure she looks absolutely beautiful everyday for school.  I have seen the pain of not knowing where he or she is...and I have also seen and felt the joy of the reunion.  I am amazed with the things you push to see your child accomplish.  I see your faith and feel your love as you help them reach for their dreams.  I have seen you sign them up to compete in special olympics, take dance classes, or play soccer with ball as big as them!  I see you take family vacations, just like any regular family, like Disneyland or cruises.  I love your courage and your desire to allow your child to experience everything a normal child would.  Thank you for your example of selflessness and pure love.

my provo/byu friends

So many people hate on Provo, but can I just say that I absolutely loved it!?!  I lived in some amazing places down there and I am most grateful for the people that I met.

I always had the most wonderful roommates and we picked the greatest wards in Provo.  My roommates are girls that I still talk to and many of them are my very closest friends.  Goodness, I love them and I don't know what I would do without them!

Aubrey was in town last weekend - greatest time ever.  First, I am so grateful for my best friend.  Aubrey is wonderful and I could spend days with her and never get sick of it. Of course, her visit was super fast, and somehow we got like zero pictures, but less 48 hours is so much better than no hours.  Because she was here, we got to have a dinner with all of our closest friends over our 4 years at BYU.  It was a wonderful few hours.  I took for granted all of the friends I made down there.  Living half an hour away and with my parents has really stumped my social life.

Then basketball has started.  Just another way that I have met more fan friends than I can count.  We had a game last night and it was so fun to sit with them.  Rosie just makes me so happy and Melanie always brings the spice.  Preston even joined us, which he hasn't done for such a long time because of his cool athletic marketing internship.  Our group has definitely shrunk between this season and last season, but my favorites are still around or nearby.

I have memories with these friends even outside of Provo.  I have gone on a cruise with Cami, the teacher I now work with and one of my best friends from the special ed program.  I have gone to basketball tournaments in Vegas with so many friends.  I have been on road trips.  I have risked my life on the stratosphere with these friends.  Bowl games.  Disneyland adventures.  A study abroad in Mexico!

But, that does not mean I have not loved every memory I had IN Provo, or at least, nearby.  Off roading with Robi.  Dance parties - especially those at s7 and the ones we used to have at three layers of heaven.  Oh and, of course, all of the ones Aubrey and I would put together.  Thanksgiving feasts with a ward auction.  Saturday hikes.  A summer full of running.  Spending time on campus.  Pillow talk with roommates (something I miss so much - even the ones Mel liked to start when I was just about to fall asleep haha Love you Mel!).  Ice cream parties because that roommate finally kissed the boy.  First kiss.  First boyfriend.  Seeing your best friend on campus wearing your clothes :) Having access to there clothes.  Going to the U to watch BYU win.  Watching meteor showers up the canyon.  Getting lost while hiking Stewart Falls.  I better stop now or else it won't end...Sometimes I am grateful for my strong memory of past memories and the nostalgia that I have.

I also have had wonderful bishops, counselors, and professors.  They have had a very strong influence on my life.  I am very grateful for their love and guidance.

I wish I could post pictures of these memories, but then I would never sleep.

I really loved every minute of Provo, even though I left it still single. I am very thankful for the friends that I have made and especially grateful for those that have stuck around in my life.