ramona's birth story

november 19, 2019

i got up early early that morning. the c section was scheduled for 7:00am so we had to be at the hospital at 5:00am. i wanted to take a nice, pamper myself type shower. it was so calm, but my heart was pounding - i was going into a major surgery (still scary, even though it was my third. you always think about all those "what ifs") AND i was hours away from holding our newest family member in my arms!

my parents had flown in a few days earlier and dad came with us to the hospital for documentation purposes. my mom would join us with the kids around 7:15 so that they would all be there by the time we made it back into my room. so, we get into our room in l&d. i meet the nurses and the anesthesiologist. they monitor baby and everything is looking good. then a nurse comes in around 6:45 with a catheter! i beg her to wait until i have received my spinal block, but she reassures me that my surgery is just minutes away and this is normal. you guys. i admit that i have some trauma when it comes to catheters because of rooney's delivery, but i do not think it is standard procedure to put anyone through the pain of a catheter if they are about to have a spinal block or epidural. let me know if i am wrong. anyway, i was mad at this nurse. i was in tears. i was so uncomfortable. it was awful. and i think i have a pretty good pain tolerance (remember that one time my fallopian tube burst and i hardly felt it?). they kept reassuring me that it was just for a little...

but then my doctor was an hour and a half late. yep. my 7:00 surgery didn't happen until after 8:30. tuesdays weren't her normal surgery day - she forgot that we had scheduled my c section for that morning. so. i felt that dang catheter for nearly two hours. i was so uncomfortable. and my mom and the kids had shown up which made things a little chaotic. they were planning to be there just in time for me and the baby to be rolled back into the room. instead, we had over an hour to kill with no new baby.

then the doctor showed up and things began to move. they had ashton hang back and they told him to put on the getup while they took me into the operating room. they had me climb out of the bed and onto the operating table (with the dang catheter ughhhh (last time i mention it, i promise)). the anesthesiologist gave me my block and laid me down. i was immediately nauseated and felt like there was an elephant on my chest, both things i hadn't experienced with my previous c sections. and as soon as i couldn't feel my legs, they were opening me up. you guys, ashton wasn't even in the room yet. i remember the anesthesiologist holding up a tin for me to throw up in and i was mumbling about ashton not being there! i got a cold compress put on my head and eventually ashton made it. he says that he walked in and i was already all opened up! 

then i heard that beautiful cry & someone said, "it's a girl!" ashton's face was one of disbelief as he said, "no way!" he thought for sure we were having another boy. 

***side story. i later found out that he had looked at the screen during our ultrasound and had seen the tabs along the top for all the different body parts. he saw one that said "it's a boy!" and assumed, that meant we were having a boy. makes sense right? he kept that secret from me for 4 whole months! & it contributed to his genuine shock that we had another girl! which is exactly what rooney had been praying for.***

they don't do, or hadn't heard of, gentle c-sections here which was really sad for me. they made sure to show me ramona's little face over the blue curtain before they wrapped all 7 pounds, 11 ounces, and 19 3/4 inches of her up. i don't really remember much after that. ashton took ramona to the waiting room to meet family, but they weren't there. they had taken the kids to the cafeteria for some snacks. i was taken to recovery and waited in an empty room for everyone to join me. ashton and ramona beat my parents and the kids. it is safe to say, we were all immediately smitten. she was and continues to be the cutest, sweetest, rolliest baby.

our stay at the hospital was short - they only let you stay for 48 hours after a c section. with rooney and gus, we always stayed three nights and had the option for a fourth. but that turned out ok because hospital stays here are nothing like they were in utah. the rooms and bathrooms are old - like i didn't want to even shower kind of old. there was no nursery, so i never got more than an hour of sleep at a time. she was born on tuesday and by lunch on thursday, we were home.

i also didn't get to recover like i was used to. i wasn't able to get up as quickly as i was used to and there wasn't much space to walk. but! i will say, that i had no bruising and my incision looks fantastic.

luckily, my parents stayed out until she was a week old and then ashton's parents came. amazingly enough, the smiths walked off the plane as my parents walked on to the same one. then ashton didn't take paternity leave until his parents went home, so we got him home all the way through christmas eve. it was perfect and i definitely needed all hands on deck that first month of three kids.

it wasn't my favorite birth (i think gus's will take that award) or the most emotional (reading rooney's birth story still makes me cry), but i am so glad that ramona is here safe and healthy. we cannot remember life before her - she just fits so wonderfully in our family.

ramona's pregnancy

as with every pregnancy, i am very hesitant after the positive test.

i got very sick around 5 weeks - i am pretty sure it was a few days long stomach bug, but it then led right into the worst morning sickness i have had so far. it is nothing compared to what some go through but ugh, it was awful and lasted until after 20 weeks.

then, at 12 weeks, just before gus's second birthday, my parents came to visit. i started bleeding. i was beside myself, sure i was miscarrying. i couldn't get out of bed. i couldn't stop crying. it was a saturday, so we set up an appointment for monday. the bleeding came heavy and then would stop. then it would appear again.

i had an ultrasound that monday, but everything looked fine! baby was busy. they told me it was probably a subchorionic hemorrhage, though they couldn't find the tear. because they couldn't see where the blood had come from, they told me that was probably the last of it.

of course, it wasn't. and i was back in the doctors office a few days later. baby was just fine and my obgyn told me that the blood obviously wasn't bothering my baby. she also told me that this didn't mean i would miscarry and that i could keep doing what i was doing - baby was growing and i had two babies at home who still needed me. i appreciated her point of view, she is very much it is all in God's hand type, but i need to know i am doing everything i can to protect my baby. so, after consulting some friends, i decided to take it easy. i was on a modified bedrest and i kept bleeding until 17 weeks. and baby started kicking hard enough for me to feel around 14 weeks, which was very reassuring.

at 20 weeks, we went in for the anatomy scan. everything looked great. baby was healthy, strong, and growing.

AND we decided not to find out the gender. ashton was not a big fan of this at the beginning. he really wanted to know, but i knew that if he had found out, there would definitely have been a slip up. i have to admit - some days not knowing was really hard, but overall i HIGHLY recommend it. because, it was so worth it.

trying to get pregnant again

at the end of 2018, we still weren't pregnant. which wasn't our norm - trying for so long without success. if you've read my previous posts, you can see why that was so hard.

so, i can now understand infirtility in the aspece of someone who is miscarrying often and someone who can't get pregnant.

i went and saw the doctor who had done my ectopic surgery a few weeks after the surgery, june/july of 2018. i asked him if i would need to have an hsg done, something that i had read most doctors require after ectopic pregnancies & a procedure i had done before. he told me it wasn't necessary because they had removed my entire tube. i went with it.

months continued to come and go. along with my period. like clockwork. & each month i found myself mourning a pregnancy that hadn't happened.

i continued to do research. there is so much that i just did not know! did you know that women have a dominant overy? did you know that they don't alternate dropping eggs every other month?! whichever side has the "queen egg" gets to drop that month! i had no idea. and how was i to know if my left ovary was my dominant one or not - obviously that would mess with my opportunity to get pregnant if it kept dropping eggs and there was not fallopian tube to guide it to my uterus. then there were articles that said one fallopian tube could move its arm over to the other side to possibly catch a ready egg. it is all quite fascinating and deserves a lot more research on my part - maybe someday.

anyway, 2018 wrapping up. the doctor who had done my surgery told me i would be back in a few months, pregnant. but it had been over six months and nothing.

i called a different doctor - one who comes highly recommended by the doctors in our ward. getting in to see her was like jumping through hoops. back in may 2018, when i knew something was wrong with my pregnancy, i had called her to try and schedule an appointment. they needed my pap history (something no other doctor had ever required before seeing me) which meant i had to call utah. they needed a signed release so i had to go in to the doctors office here and fill out a form that they faxed to my utah doctor. it was such a mess. and by the time they had gotten back to me i had already lost my baby and my tube and wanted nothing to do with them.

by october of 2018 and still not pregnant, i called the recommended obgyn again. i had to cry for an appointment because they didn't have my pap history anymore (seriously healthcare in arkansas is crazy). they got me in after thanksgiving. i finally talked to my new obgyn and she rolled her eyes when i told her my surgery doctor told me i did not need an hsg. she told me that it is something she recommends after every surgery in/around your uterus and i had had a c section and ectopic since my last one. that was scheduled for february 27th.

i figured that since i had already experienced an hsg, it would be no big deal. i was wrong. in utah, the nurse came and held my hand. she was there with me. here, it was very cold, sterile, and lonely. and it hurt much worse. turned out that all my scar tissue had adhered my cervic shut! sorry for the tmi, but suddenly why i wasn't getting pregnant made sense.

and guess what. the next cycle, we got a positive pregnancy test!

picture taken March 21st, 2019

lately

it has been over a year since i have come here to record about our life/my thoughts and i know that i am going to wish i had recorded more.

so...

here i am.

we have been in quarantine for two plus months.

we added another beautiful girl to our family in november.

we have been living in our little house for over a year now and love it even more than we did on the first day. we have done a few projects with it - pictures and a post to come - and continue to dream up more projects.

we made it through major flooding of our area. we watched as our ward and stake and city came together and serve those who were affected.

we experienced our first tornado touchdown in our city - it's been a year and the kids are still traumatized. they see clouds and immediately ask if there will be a tornado.

i have cut back on teaching online (by choice) and have really not had the time i would like for hoops&threads.

hopefully, i will be better about coming here to write about our happenings - my nostalgic soul misses having a place to come to remember past events.