The family blog...

My dad is an amazing writer - he is a lot better with words than I am.

Visit it here - http://www.thorkelson.me/

And keep up with Porter.

The One

*Let me apologize now.  My writing is all over the place.  My sentences might run on because I can't find an easy way to tell this story.  I am not sure how to organize it, how to get it to run smoothly, because it is hard to find the right words.

Last Friday, I got an email from dad saying: "Elder Christensen would like to visit Porter. Apparently, President Monson received a letter from someone and he has asked Elder Christensen to visit us. :)"

Again, there are no words.  I don't know where to begin.  It is yet another day where my heart is bursting with love and so much thanks. I know I have said that the last few posts of mine, but today it is about to pop.  For those who know me well, I have clutched my hand over my heart maybe 100 times already today (and it is not even 10:00 in the morning yet)...this is for real.

Elder Craig C. Christensen came over last night.

But, let me take a step back and insert another story.  A few hours before Elder Christensen came, someone else knocked on our door and brought a very sweet spirit in.  Mom told us that around 3:00 there was a knock at the door.  There stood a man who introduced himself to my mom as Porter's chemistry teacher.  With tears welling up in his eyes, he told me mom that he had just found out about Porter through some students.  He showed true concern and we were touched to see him come to our house to check on Port.  He sat down with Porter and told him he didn't need to worry about chemistry work because that's what chemo is...chemistry.  He told Porter to try and understand what the chemo is and what it was doing to help him overcome cancer.  Our hearts were touched to see a man care so much about my special brother.  He filled our home with love.

Elder Christensen entered our home around 7:00 last night.  What an amazing, sacred, spiritual, loving, and awe-inspiring experience to say the least.  It is something that we will forever remember.

First, I have a little connection, well connections, to Elder Christensen and that just proved so much more to me how much the Lord is involved in this whole situation.  I met Elder Christensen's son, Ben, my freshman year at BYU.  Ben and Drew are best friends.  In fact, Drew married one of Ben's cousins.  The Livingstones and the Christensens raised their boys together.  And since Elder Christensen loves the Livingstones, and they love him, I already had a soft spot for him in my heart.  Elder Christensen has also had a few run-ins with mom and her family throughout the years.

He came in, met the whole family, and we sat down.  He said, "President Monson is aware of you Porter, and he has asked me to come in his behalf."  He chuckled and told us that he knew he was a poor substitution for President Monson, but none of us thought so.  He then told us that President Monson had been praying for Porter.  As if that didn't make us feel loved and special enough, he then told us that President Monson, the First Presidency, and the Apostles had prayed for Porter, by name, in the temple for the last two Thursdays.  Oh how we have truly felt the love of these men (and all of our family and friends) support us through the last few weeks.  Miracles have been pouring down upon us.  President Monson, a man who has the weight of the world on his shoulders, busy leading the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, has sent specific prayers to Heavenly Father for my brother, for Porter James Thorkelson.

Elder Christensen asked Porter about things he liked to do, getting to know him better.  I have such a wonderful brother.  We had lots to say about Porter, more than he had to say about himself.  After we discussed Porter, sports, rugby, and his sweet heart, Elder Christensen asked Porter if he had anything he would like to tell President Monson.  This blew Porter away.  His face was shocked and he just smiled.  Not a normal smile, but an oh my goodness, really?! type smile.  What would you say to the Prophet if you had a chance to have a message sent to him?  Especially at just 15, how could you find the words to express everything in your heart.  Needless to say, thank you was said and love was shared.  Elder Christensen left us with a prayer.  We knelt down and he spoke words of comfort, mentioning miracles and love.

After Elder Christensen left, my dad, grandpa, and Scott gave Porter a blessing.  What a blessing it is to have so many worthy priesthood holders in my life.  As they were about to start the blessing, I reached for my heart again...Porter saw this and we shared a smile as we closed our eyes.

I am very grateful for the opportunity that we had to meet with Elder Christensen.  I am grateful for the Gospel, I know it is true.  I have a new gratitude towards President Monson.  I know that he is the living Prophet here on the earth at this time.  I know that he truly watches out for "the one" and that includes my brother.  I also know that what Porter is going through will greatly bless him and our family.  A new spirit has been brought to our house.  A new selflessness.  A new love.  I hope we never lose that.



*** ALSO.  Thanks to all of those who have blue on to support my brother.  Those pictures will be coming and shared because it is overwhelming!  It means so much to us to see such a large amount of people, some who don't even know Porter, show their love.

jumbled thoughts

I have been working on two posts...










And I just can't seem to finish them.

One is about my cruise.  That's right, I went on a cruise!  But I haven't given the world any proof of that trip yet and it needs to be shared.

The other one is about the miracles that have touched our lives since we found out Porter had cancer.  I don't know if I will ever finish that post because there have been so many and they just keep coming!

I am really emotional today.  My heart is full - still overflowing.  I just...I don't know where to start.

The doctors told us that everyone reacts to chemo differently, that maybe he wouldn't even lose his hair!  Which we figured would be the outcome with Porter's FULL head of hair.  Yesterday, Porter admitted he was starting to lose hair.  He is afraid to shower because of it.  Now, this does not mean it will all disappear, it might just thin out, or that might have been it.  No one really knows yet...but still, it broke my heart.  Before, it wasn't real, this whole cancer thing, because it hadn't physically changed my brother at all.  But now it is starting to and I can hardly stand it.  He goes in for his second round of chemo tomorrow.   Everyone always looks forward to Friday - it's finally the weekend!  But this has been one week that I wish could've gone on forever.  I am not prepared for more chemo and I'm not even the one who has to endure it.  How can he be ready?  I am on the verge of tears.  The back of my throat is tight and sore from trying to keep composed at work.

I went on a date last night (surprise! I know), but before I left, Porter and I spent some time sitting outside together.  Yes, that stud is my brother and he makes me so happy.

Also, we (meaning some of my family and a cousin) are "training" for the American Fork Canyon Half Marathon.  This is a pretty neat story.  First of all, I hate running.  It is so definitely not my favorite.  Really.  Not my favorite.  But on March 16th, Kelsey sent me a message on facebook, asking if I wanted to do this half marathon.  It was a run whose proceeds go to those fighting cancer.  I said yes, mostly knowing that we wouldn't really!  We never signed up (I told you I didn't think we would end up doing it!) and then three weeks ago, we found out that Porter would be joining those fighting cancer.  By the time we realized we HAD to run, registration was sold out.  Dad got in touch with someone and they got us 6 spots in the run.  So now I (the girl who still hates running) am running 13.1 miles on Saturday, June 23rd - two days after Porter turns 16.  Perfect.

Happy Easter

I am really emotional this morning, for many reasons.

First.  It is Easter and my heart is full.  This is one of my favorite holidays.  I have always felt a very close relationship to my Savior and for that relationship, I am very grateful.  I know that He not only died for each of us, but He also rose three days later.  Because of everything He has done for you and me, we are able to repent, be clean, and return to live with Him again with perfect bodies.  He is risen.  He lives!  I know that he lives. I love the testimonies of Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon as recorded in D&C 76:22-24:

 22 And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the ^atestimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he ^blives!

 23 For we ^asaw him, even on the ^bright hand of ^cGod; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only ^dBegotten of the Father—

 24 That by ^ahim, and through him, and of him, the ^bworlds are and were created, and the ^cinhabitants thereof are begotten ^dsons and daughters unto God.

I know that He lives.  He is my greatest friend.  He loves me through everything, no matter what.  He knows exactly and perfectly my pain, my struggles, and my heartache.  He can comfort me because He knows.  He is in my heart and I see Him everyday as I work with so many special spirits.  I have felt him throughout this weekend.  I have received His love through each of you who have called, texted, prayed, and given words of support, love, and comfort to me and my family.  I love my Savior so very much and I know that that love will be sustaining me and my family through this hard time.

Just on a side note, my council is starting up a blog for my YSA ward out here in Draper.  Yesterday I wrote a blog for it on Elder Rasband's sweet conference address.  If you want to read it, you can right here.

Second.  I am emotional for obvious reasons - my poor brother has to go through trials and affliction that I wish with all of my heart I could take away from him.  He has been so strong through this all.  Yesterday, he texted a friend something like, "I am ok now.  My dad told me everything this morning.  I have wrapped my mind around it and accepted it.  It will be ok."  He is such an example to me.

Third.  I am grateful for my family.  Sydney, Kelsey, and Scott weren't with us while we were at the hospital.  Sydney was on her way home from spring break in San Diego when she found out.  Kelsey and Scott had been in Orange County with cousins for half an hour before they found out and turned around and came back to be with us.  Being with everyone has made it easier.  I think we will be staying close to home for awhile.  We laughed most of last night.  It was wonderful to be with my parents and my siblings as we enjoyed last night like we would have any other night.  Together we are stronger than we could ever imagine.  I know that with them by my side, we can and will make it through this only to become better.

Fourth.  I am emotional because of every kind word and prayer we have felt and heard.  Seeing the outpouring of love for my brother warms my heart.  Thank you.  All we can ask for at this time is for your thoughts and prayers to be with him.  He is in good spirits, we are all in good spirits, and a lot of it is because we are amazed and touched at how much we have received.  Thank you.  A million times.  Thank you.

my hero

A lot has happened in the last few days.  Mostly a lot between Thursday and now.

I was down in Provo until late Thursday night.  When I got up for work Friday morning, I found mom sitting downstairs, already awake (strange since the kids are on spring break and everyone has been sleeping in).  I said good morning to her and walked into the kitchen to grab some food.  She quietly told me that we were fasting today.  By the way she said it, I knew that something was wrong.  I looked at her and I couldn't help but start crying.  Here is the story as I wrote it yesterday while sitting in the hospital:

"Porter has had this huge lump on his leg for the last few months. It's just above his ankle. Dad took him to the doctor yesterday and they just thought it was swollen until the MRI. At 9:30 last night, they called mom saying he needed to see an oncologist at Primary Children's.

So here we are. At the hospital. Hannah came with me to school this morning.  I told my aides what was up and after a few hours at school, they told me that they felt that we needed to be in Salt Lake with Porter.  So Hannah and I left school early to meet the family at the hospital. Michelle got us from the lobby and brought us up just in time to see Port before his biopsy. I got to give him one big hug. He told me he'd see me in an hour and a half, you know how he is, strong and brave.  We are lucky we left when we did or else we wouldn't have had the chance to see Port before he went under.

I guess before Hannah and I had arrived, the doctors told my parents there was a pretty good chance that it was cancer. They told them to prepare for a long year. After Porter heard that, he told my dad that he'd rather it be him with cancer than anyone else.

So we sat in the waiting room for about two hours. The first call was to say that the biopsy was inconclusive and that they needed to get more of a sample. 


Another hour went by...

A doctor with a grim face took mom and dad into the consultation room. Two more doctors joined them. Michelle, Hannah, and I were left outside crying.  Lyman joined us not too long later.

Half an hour later, the longest half hour of my life, the doctors have finally left and dad pulls us into the room.

Porter has cancer. Ewing's Sarcoma. I hate it already.  


After talking with the doctors, dad told us this story:


Porter was still in surgery when the doctor delivered the difficult news for us. Dr. Jones asked us if Porter was a good kid. Mary Ann and I could scarcely communicate how special he is. Then Dr. Jones said, "After he has this experience, he will be even better." That's almost hard to believe, as Port is the kindest, nicest kid on the planet!

All of this while Porter is still in surgery. Three and a half hours later. They are putting a permanent port in his chest for the chemo that will probably start next week. How do we break the news to my only brother, the boy that I love more than anything."


Porter came home last night.  He isn't in much pain (after lots and lots of medication) and has been in and out of sleep most of the day.  He has been so strong, I can hardly believe it.

Dad has created a facebook page for any of you who want updates.  It's called "Porter's Update Page".  Feel free to join - it will probably be the easiest/best way to hear what is happening.