that night, i woke up to a pain in my lower left abdomen. there was still a little bit of bright bleeding, but the pain was sharp & direct. i felt pressure & bloated. i reached out to mel (thanks girl for being awake at 2:00am!) we discussed the pain & she mentioned that it could be ectopic. i had recently read women describing their ectopic pregnancies on a facebook group & my pain didn’t match what they described. I eventually was able to fall back asleep & woke up the next morning feeling well enough to go to church.
no bleeding of cramping the rest of sunday & monday.
i called multiple OB's & clinics. no one would see me since i wasn't an established patient. it was unbelievably frustrating, to say the least. i knew i was pregnant, knew i wasn't miscarrying, but i also knew that something wasn't right. everyone told me to go to the ER, but i was feeling ok & not up for forking over $150. i even called the nurses line for my OB in Utah & explained my symptoms. she took my information to my doctor & called me back to tell me that he wanted to get me in for hcg blood draws & an ultrasound at the appropriate time. it was then that i had to sheepishly tell her that we had moved, i couldn't get an OB to seem me, but i wanted to get an opinion before going to the ER. i even cried as i told her how much i missed them - i will blame pregnancy hormones.
at 5:30 am on tuesday morning (May 15th), a loud roar of thunder woke me up. i realized that pain was back. i sat up. went to the bathroom. walked around. the pain stayed. i said a prayer asking for the pain to be strong enough for me to go to the ER if i needed to.
the pain quickly got stronger. i couldn't sit up. i had to stay standing. my stomach was unbelievably swollen. i got ashton up to give me a blessing. i pumped while i was standing (couldn't leave gus without milk/i didn't want to be leaking at the hospital).
then, i drove myself to the hospital. big bolts of lightning flew across the sky as a pink sunrise began to appear. it was awe inspiring & my heart was calm.
i got to the hospital around 6:10. the nurses seemed skeptical when they checked me in.
"why do you think you're miscarrying?"
"um. actually, i am not so sure that i am. i just know that something is wrong. i have miscarried before, but this time it's different."
"when was your last period?"
"August of 2016. i am still nursing my son."
the looks i got from that last answer!
"are you sure you're pregnant?"
"yes. i took a test 10 days ago."
they got me to a room. drew some blood. got a urine sample. i waited. the pain started to fade & i was worried that i had come for no reason. a kind doctor came in & talked with me. he felt my abdomen & the pain on my left side was wince worthy.
around 7:50, there was an ultrasound. she couldn't see much so she asked me to empty my bladder & did the longest transvaginal ultrasound ever. i could tell that she concentrated on my left side & it wasn't my favorite.
more waiting & around 8:30, the kind doctor was back. he explained that my hcg levels were at 4000. an embryo can typically be spotted between 1000 & 1200, but nothing was in my uterus, but there was a 5 cm mass just outside of my left ovary. an OB (ironically enough, one that i called just the day before) would come to talk to me about the next step. it was most likely an ectopic pregnancy, but they couldn't say for sure.
shortly after, the doctor came back & said that the OB was stuck in a surgery, but would like me to go to pre-pop where he would meet me & explain what was happening. all the doctor would tell me was that i would be having a procedure.
around 8:50 both my ER & pre-op nurses came in & i was not at all ready to go for surgery. they were rushing me for an IV & getting me in a gown. they were also surprised that i was alone & said i should get ashton there ASAP. since ashton wasn't there to take my belongings, security had to be called to hold onto it for me. my angel husband got the kids dressed, ready & to pre-op within half an hour!
more waiting, but now in pre-op. nurses kept talking about this procedure, but no one could tell me what it was.
the OB made it in & pulled up pictures of my ultrasound. fallopian tubes are about the width of a pencil & the embryo in my left tube was 7cm. he said it was definitely ectopic & that they would go in laparoscopically via three incisions - one in my belly button & two lower, along my c-section incision. they were hopeful to make two cuts into my tube & pull the embryo out, but if my tube had ruptured, it would also need to be removed.
ashton & i were told that the surgery would be finished in about 30-45 minutes. shorter if all went well, longer if the tube had ruptured. ashton took the kids to the waiting room.
minutes later, the OB came back & said, "you're a pretty tough person huh?" i was a little confused & said something along the lines of, "ya, i think so." thinking he was referring to my history with pregnancy loss & how well i was holding it all together. he then told me that i had about 300 cc's of blood in my stomach. my tube had definitely ruptured & would need to be removed. he was shocked that i wasn't in more pain.
the anesthesiologist came out & within 5 minutes, things were out of focus. i barely remember moving onto the operating table - something about a pink cushion that my bum had to be below?? then i was waking up with this faint memory of pushing nurses off of me & struggling to breathe. apparently, i asked my nurse all the same questions over & over (she was obviously annoyed) & i was insanely thirsty.
my nurse helped me use the restroom & then i was being wheeled to the car. talking to ashton now - that whole surgery/recovery took about two hours.
my ectopic experience was not at all like those of the women who have shared on various LDS mom facebook groups that i belong to. many of them described unbearable pain - like throwing up from pain. an ulstrasound tech said that she can tell just by looking at a patient that it's ectopic because they are sickly pale with dark circles around their eyes. i don't think anyone would have been able to look at me & tell that something was wrong.
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it's been just over two month since everything happened & since i wrote most of this post. there is still some of that numb feeling.
when i went into my follow up appointment, my OB kept saying things like "if you had taken a step too hard, things could have changed drastically in seconds" or "it was a good thing you got to the hospital when you did because you were a time bomb just seconds from going off". i still can't believe that i had gotten to that point. like i said earlier, i just didn't feel like things were that bad.
life has kept going. it has kept me busy. being down a fallopian tube hasn't changed much, at least not yet. i might say differently when it comes time for us to try getting pregnant. & then again - how much of it will be because i do miscarry often vs. only having one fallopian tube? my OB doesn't think having one tube will make much of a difference. he also told me he has a feeling he will see me again in a few months because of a positive test, so let's hope that comes true!
one last thing. this will probably be the hardest part about having had an ectopic pregnancy. as soon as i get that positive pregnancy test, i have to come in and begin blood work & early ultrasounds. this is because once you have had an ectopic, you are more likely to have another. well, because of my miscarriages, i have tried to put off having an appointment until 10 weeks. in my experience, when i go in at 8 weeks & we look at the ultrasound, doctors always say something along the lines of "you must not be as far along as you thought because there is no fetus yet, just a sac." but that is what happens with blighted ovums & within a few weeks, i am miscarrying. so...yay for doctors being proactive, but boo for knowing i am going to miscarry around 6 weeks & having to go 4 more weeks anticipating it happening. hopefully, this isn't the case. hopefully, i go in at 6 weeks and hcg tests double as they should & everything goes smoothly. hopefully.
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