struggling to stay pregnant has opened up doors for me, forever connected me to people who were just acquaintances, & strengthened my relationships with already forever friends. it hasn't been my favorite journey, but if it allows me to feel & show empathy towards others or even help someone along their journey, it helps me through my grieving process. it is my silver lining through this trial.
i was chatting with a friend who has been trying to get pregnant for a long time. she is one of my sister's best childhood friends & so she has always seemed like a little sister to me. it breaks my heart that she is going through this. infertility is an ugly, unfair thing.
anyway, she recently saw a specialist & is getting ready to do the tests that i had done this summer. we were discussing them & praying that they give her answers. i told her that none of my tests revealed anything, but it is probably because i just have rotten eggs.
so, ever since then, my rotten eggs have been on my mind. & it caused me to think back on an episode of new girl from season 2. in it, jess & cece visit their friend who also is an obgyn. she tells them something along the lines of everyone's quality of eggs is different. jess & cece get the blood test to find out how their eggs are.
as i watched this episode back in 2012, i had no reason to think the quality of my eggs would be anything less than perfect. in fact, when cece found out her eggs weren't so great & her years of fertility were limited, i didn't feel much because it was just a tv show. of course, now, that episode pulls at my heart.
i know that both rooney & baby brother are miracles, my sweet rainbow babies. i am 2 for 5 so far & i know i am no doctor, but 60% of my eggs seem to be not so quality. there isn't much doctors can do to help with it - no hormones to give me that will magically make them better. it breaks my heart, knowing that i will probably struggle with miscarriages the entire time we try to have children.
so, while i may be pregnant right now, my heart is never far from those who struggle. i think of & pray for these women often. i know i will be there again in years to come. i find strength in the mamas i have talked to who have had multiple losses between children - yet have still created good sized, strong, beautiful families.
& that is my little rant on my lame eggs (which, obviously, make my sticky, quality ones so absolutely amazing) & the struggles of family making.
Saturday, February 18, 2017
tentative offer letter
this february 14th was easily the greatest valentine's day we've ever had.
i woke up feeling blessed & grateful for all the love in my life. we are working really hard to save money, so we decided that we would keep valentines day simple - like family date night to chick-fil-a simple. which was just fine by me!
for those who don't know, ashton & i got engaged while eating chick-fil-a. we went to chick-fil-a immediately after our wedding reception. when we moved to minnesota, we were heartbroken because they didn't have a chick-fil-a. well, guess what opened up next to our target four months after we moved? chick-fil-a of course! it's been a big part of our relationship & i am super ok with that.
anyway, rooney and i were home after work, waiting for dad to come home. when he got home, i proceeded to take a nap because you know, 26 weeks pregnant means tired all the time. i was asleep for maybe 40 minutes when ashton jumps onto the bed - obviously excited about something.
and excited for good reason!
he got his tentative offer letter for a position with air traffic control! there are three different positions they offer - en route, terminal, and tower. ashton has been assigned to terminal. this means he had to accept the tentative employment offer & send in some more paperwork. in the next week or so, they will send another letter with additional pre-employment clearance requirements. i don't know for sure, but i am assuming that would be a psych & medical evaluation? after that, he will receive the firm offer letter, making him an official employee!
of course, there are still unknowns. we do know he will eventually be leaving for the academy for three months, but we don't know when that will be. potentially anytime in the next 6 to 18 months. we might not find out when he goes to the academy until two weeks before they expect him to be there. then, once he is finished with the academy we will have eight days to pack up and arrive to whichever tower he is assigned to (which will not be salt lake since it is a level 10 and new air traffic controls can only work lower levels during training). so, basically, the faa likes to leave us hanging a bit - which will make for a wild ride over the next little bit.
no matter what, we feel very blessed. things have really started to fall into place over the last six months (progress with atc & now an offer. pregnancy with baby boy. new basement apartment). i am so very grateful.
so our love day celebration turned into so much more! it was a huge day for us. but, sweet rooney, brought us back to earth with a stinky accident while at chick-fil-a. a day we will never forget.
i woke up feeling blessed & grateful for all the love in my life. we are working really hard to save money, so we decided that we would keep valentines day simple - like family date night to chick-fil-a simple. which was just fine by me!
for those who don't know, ashton & i got engaged while eating chick-fil-a. we went to chick-fil-a immediately after our wedding reception. when we moved to minnesota, we were heartbroken because they didn't have a chick-fil-a. well, guess what opened up next to our target four months after we moved? chick-fil-a of course! it's been a big part of our relationship & i am super ok with that.
anyway, rooney and i were home after work, waiting for dad to come home. when he got home, i proceeded to take a nap because you know, 26 weeks pregnant means tired all the time. i was asleep for maybe 40 minutes when ashton jumps onto the bed - obviously excited about something.
and excited for good reason!
he got his tentative offer letter for a position with air traffic control! there are three different positions they offer - en route, terminal, and tower. ashton has been assigned to terminal. this means he had to accept the tentative employment offer & send in some more paperwork. in the next week or so, they will send another letter with additional pre-employment clearance requirements. i don't know for sure, but i am assuming that would be a psych & medical evaluation? after that, he will receive the firm offer letter, making him an official employee!
of course, there are still unknowns. we do know he will eventually be leaving for the academy for three months, but we don't know when that will be. potentially anytime in the next 6 to 18 months. we might not find out when he goes to the academy until two weeks before they expect him to be there. then, once he is finished with the academy we will have eight days to pack up and arrive to whichever tower he is assigned to (which will not be salt lake since it is a level 10 and new air traffic controls can only work lower levels during training). so, basically, the faa likes to leave us hanging a bit - which will make for a wild ride over the next little bit.
no matter what, we feel very blessed. things have really started to fall into place over the last six months (progress with atc & now an offer. pregnancy with baby boy. new basement apartment). i am so very grateful.
so our love day celebration turned into so much more! it was a huge day for us. but, sweet rooney, brought us back to earth with a stinky accident while at chick-fil-a. a day we will never forget.
Monday, February 13, 2017
finau ( finn ) stanley
late on february 8th, sydney had finn! he is absolutely perfect. she was an absolute rockstar - laboring for over 36 hours to bring the little man here. he is absolutely the sweetest & i can't wait for our little man to get here so him & finn can be best friend.
Monday, February 6, 2017
baby boy update
we have made it to twenty-five weeks!
i can't wait to hold this little guy. & thanks to my losses, i am a heavily paranoid pregnant mama. ashton bough me a fetal doppler for christmas - it has been a life saver! though, sometimes, if i can't find buddy's heartbeat right away, i go into a panic. lucky for me, he is a big mover & not just kicks & punches, but lots of flips & turns.
last week, i heard about a company developing a pregnancy monitor. they are in the early stages & needing pregnant mamas to help test out their product. i was enticed by a $50 gift card. i got there & the nicest lady started with an ultrasound. you guys! i got to see little man wiggle, gulp fluids & hiccup! it was amazing. & better than any $50 gift card.
plus, if i go two more times, i can get an owlet baby monitor for free. i am definitely doing that.
& the nurse who worked with me was wonderful.
rooney & our little man
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
my beehives
while we lived in draper, i got called to be the beehive advisor. at first, i was ecstatic, but then the first sunday came & i felt like i couldn't reach them. i was frustrated & sad, but mostly disappointed. i am a teacher after all, why couldn't i get them to understand these gospel doctrines. i felt like the odd man out at mutual activities, etc. getting them to participate in class was so hard - i was bribing them with candy for each time they contributed to the lesson. it was not what i had expected, especially because as a young woman, i couldn't get enough of my leaders. i truly thought they were the most amazing people ever.
things got better. participation started to come naturally. we learned to be comfortable with each other. we laughed together. my heart, that already loved them because how could you not, began to overflow with love for them. & then we had to move.
that is when i caught a glimpse that maybe they loved me like i had loved (& continue to love) my leaders.
today at work, we spent the day visiting a bunch of schools & different classroom settings to show our new teachers. i was having a tough conversation with a teacher who no longer felt like she could do it - things were too hard.
then i heard someone yell, "TATI!!!"
& one of my beehives was running into my arms, giving me more than a few hugs & was genuinely excited to see me. it was such a simple thing, but it made me so happy. just thinking about it makes my eyes water up & my heart swell.
as i returned to my conversation, i explained to the teacher that she had been one of my beehives. we started talking about working in young women's, & the teacher told me that she was told that while we might not feel like we are making a difference in these girls' lives, they will look back on their leaders years from now & feel nothing but love for us.
to top it all off, tonight, this beehive's mom texted me to tell me how excited her daughter was to tell her that she had seen me at school. it was the greatest text i have gotten. it was everything i needed to hear. the validation that i did make a difference.
this interaction is one i hope i never forget.
to all of my sweet beehives,
i love you. i miss you. i am amazed at how kind, loving, & strong all of you are! while it was a short 8 or 9 months that i got to spend with you, i learned so much just by watching you. you were competitive, yet compassionate. sweet, yet so spicey. your testimony is strong - remember the feelings of the spirit you are receiving & hold onto those. keep growing. keep learning. lean on your parents. & always remember that i will forever consider you one of my own.
xoxo
things got better. participation started to come naturally. we learned to be comfortable with each other. we laughed together. my heart, that already loved them because how could you not, began to overflow with love for them. & then we had to move.
that is when i caught a glimpse that maybe they loved me like i had loved (& continue to love) my leaders.
today at work, we spent the day visiting a bunch of schools & different classroom settings to show our new teachers. i was having a tough conversation with a teacher who no longer felt like she could do it - things were too hard.
then i heard someone yell, "TATI!!!"
& one of my beehives was running into my arms, giving me more than a few hugs & was genuinely excited to see me. it was such a simple thing, but it made me so happy. just thinking about it makes my eyes water up & my heart swell.
as i returned to my conversation, i explained to the teacher that she had been one of my beehives. we started talking about working in young women's, & the teacher told me that she was told that while we might not feel like we are making a difference in these girls' lives, they will look back on their leaders years from now & feel nothing but love for us.
to top it all off, tonight, this beehive's mom texted me to tell me how excited her daughter was to tell her that she had seen me at school. it was the greatest text i have gotten. it was everything i needed to hear. the validation that i did make a difference.
this interaction is one i hope i never forget.
to all of my sweet beehives,
i love you. i miss you. i am amazed at how kind, loving, & strong all of you are! while it was a short 8 or 9 months that i got to spend with you, i learned so much just by watching you. you were competitive, yet compassionate. sweet, yet so spicey. your testimony is strong - remember the feelings of the spirit you are receiving & hold onto those. keep growing. keep learning. lean on your parents. & always remember that i will forever consider you one of my own.
xoxo
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