my cheerleaders who waited so quietly for me to be finished. i am so very blessed to have them.
the results aren't what i wanted... everything is normal - no hormonal imbalance. i called my mom pretty bummed & she was confused. isn't it good that you're normal? but, i am trying to find the good in this because not normal things are happening to me, who, according to all tests, is normal. i have to say though, that i did sort of expect this to be the case. it would have just been too easy if progesterone was the fix.
the next step is to see a specialist. i have been playing with whether or not it was worth it. even according to their website, they only can diagnose why miscarriages happen 50% of the time - exactly what my ob told me. so, is it worth it? because waiting for test results just means waiting even longer before getting pregnant again. waiting is the worst part.
but, i talked with a nurse who is quickly becoming my favorite. she was the one who took care of me when i went in for my biopsy. as i got emotional, she told me she had been here before & that she had to see fertility specialists. she gave me the name of the doctor she had seen & told me that she had really liked him. then today, while we were going over the results, i asked her if it was worth it to see a specialist. she told me it was, that they can help us come up with the next steps.
so, regardless of what they can or can't tell us, i think that is the direction we will be heading.
last night, i was trying to fall asleep as my mind was going non stop. i had connected with an acquaintance who was struggling through her own journey of losses & fertility - she said so many things that resounded in me, things that i needed to hear. then my heart was going out to a friend who is unsure of her current pregnancy. & another who was fearful that her ivf didn't take (found out today that her fear came true). easy to see why my brain wouldn't shut off.
suddenly, i realized i was singing a song in my head. i fell asleep as i sang the third verse to "How Firm A Foundation" over & over. i encourage you to listen to the song as it has brought me so much comfort today as i have continued to ponder the things happening in my life & in the lives of those around me. i will leave those words with you & hope you can feel the same comfort from them as i have today.
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