back to work

I am officially a working mama.

I have all types of feelings about this.

I am missing my little girl so much. I try to keep the texts to mom to check on Roo to only once every two hours, but that is hard. I find myself counting down the minutes until she comes for lunch, then again until the day is over. My heart is anxious, leaving her all day.

Having finished one full day back at work though, I have to say, seeing her at lunch makes it all so much easier. Even if she sleeps the entire time I am trying to nurse her.

I have missed my students more than I thought. I am not surprised by this, it is just that I was so obsessed, in love, and distracted with Roo that I didn't have a chance to really think about them. It is fun to be back with them, though we are mostly working on state testing right now. They have not been embarrassed to let me know how much they have missed me - which just fills my heart with happiness.

Then to top it all off, a parent of a student I had 5 years ago left me the sweetest note on facebook. She reminded me of all the amazing bonds I have made with students and their families over my last six years of teaching. She reminded me of why I got into special education, why I absolutely love my career. But she also let me know that it is ok that the thing I want most, the thing that matters most, is my precious Rooney. It was good to be reminded that I matter, the work I have put into my classrooms has mattered, and I have forever friends through teaching.

My students have invited me to baptisms and birthday parties. Some have invited me to soccer games and to watch them compete in the Special Olympics. Many of them have supported me and my family by coming to Porter's fundraiser and my wedding. It is the sweetest.

I haven't said this publicly yet, but this is my last year teaching (at least for a bit, I think) and I am pretty torn about it. As this school year is getting close to an end, I can't help but reflect. The last six years of teaching has helped me grow so much, taught me to love, reminded me of our potential and how much our Heavenly Father loves us, and taken me on some of the most wonderful adventures.

I started my adventures in special education during my sophomore year of high school. Since then, I have worked with more than 100 students, some through Best Buddies, some while I was a para educator, most of them have been my students. But all of them have a piece of my heart.

So to all of those who have let me into their lives through their most special kids - Thank you! It has been the greatest adventure. You are raising some of my very favorite people in the whole world. They have made me a better person, in fact, I often tell people that I am my best self when I am in my classroom and it is because of your precious children.

We have giggled through wii just dance, put together the most amazing talent shows, developed new social, behavioral, and life skills, become better readers, increased our academic knowledge, put on amazing talent shows, gone on countless field trips, sat in too many IEP's to count, and most importantly, grown to love one another.

mother's day

This Mother's Day is one I will never forget as it is my first one as a mother.

In 2010, I gave a talk that started like this:

"Good afternoon brothers and sisters.  I have a not so common confession...I love babies.  I am sure I have a bad case of being baby hungry.  Cute boy on the right, chubby little baby on the left...the baby always wins.  I can sit for hours and play with kids.  I blame this on the fact that I was the oldest of 5 children and quickly became mommy's little helper.

Now, in all seriousness, I really have always dreamed of being a mom. I think that dream is fairly normal for all girls.  We want to have our own families, to have children that we can love and teach.   Brother Frazier asked to me to speak almost a month ago on...are you ready? “The Mother I am Going to Be.”  Pretty heavy right?  Almost comical even, coming from a 21 year old, single, college graduate to a large group of fellow single peers.  I have thought about how to attack this topic almost everyday.  But who wants to hear about the mom that Tati wants to be?  Who really cares except for the lucky man who will someday sweep me off my feet and my absolutely adorable future children. Now with that said, I am going to talk to you about the qualities that all of us want to posses when it comes to be our turn to raise our own families."

(I am still surprised I didn't get a single date from a talk as awesome as that one. Though, I have heard from a few people that they still remember it.)

I have dreamed of being a mom for as long as I can remember and here I am now, writing this post with one hand as my other arm is cradling a nursing Rooney. Roo is more than I could have imagined. I have never loved so completely. The minute I heard her cry, my life changed forever. She became my life. In the last seven and a half weeks she has taught me so much - about love, gratitude, the importance of sleep, and so much more! Life with a newborn hasn't been easy, but it is beyond worth it.

Mothers come in all forms. Mothers and grandmas being the obvious ones, but aunts, friends, teachers, neighbors, and so many others we look to as role models. 

I also want to acknowledge the mothers who find Mother's Day as a reminder of what they have lost. I remember the mother's day after my first miscarriages - it was just a reminder of what I lost. When I was about 33 weeks pregnant with Rooney, one of my closest friends was 30 weeks pregnant and lost her sweet baby girl, Eloise. Just a few weeks before, we had been together, celebrating our friendship and the adventures we were going to share as mothers. I look up to Melanie and her strength and love so much. She has created a touching blog about her experiences and she has given me permission to share it. I am so grateful to have Mel in my life.

i love the pictures we got of our babes together. i have no doubt that they are special friends.

A huge part of my heart is dedicated to those mothers who have lost a child. The minute you find out you are pregnant, you become a mother. In that instant, you look at the world differently. Having that child taken away from you, whether it be during pregnancy or later in life, is unbearable. As I have mentioned before, I have a post that I continue to add as I collect articles and posts that helped me through my miscarriages. Someday I will organize those thoughts.

I feel like I should end this post now, but I still have so much to say!

I want to thank my mom! She has taught me everything I know about being a mom. She truly lives her life for her husband, five children, and two absolutely perfectly adorable grandchildren. She is patient, selfless, and full of love. I hate doing things alone. For example, while I was at BYU, I would call mom as I walked to campus. Now that I live with her, she comes with me to run errands, hike, and see movies. I will continue to spend all my time with her in hopes that more and more of her rubs off on me.

Thank you to my mother-in-law. She is one of the happiest people I have ever met. She is always smiling and has taught her boys to laugh often. She is always up for games and never hesitates about DQ runs. I am constantly amazed with the man she raised - because of her, Ashton is my dream man.

Rooney is lucky to have such fantastic women as examples in her life.

// And I have to thank Ashton, my husband who absolutely spoiled me this weekend. It started with a fitbit on Friday and I just thought he was the greatest. Then Saturday morning, I wake up to feed Roo and sitting on my rocking chair I find new running shoes and workout outfits! I have been complaining about this baby weight for weeks now and he knew just what type of motivation I needed. But the best, most wonderful gift was how he took care of me today. As we were getting ready to head up to Centerville, my vision started to get spotty. I was determined to spend time with family, but he knows me too well and didn't want me to be miserable and sick and not in my bed. Within half an hour, I had a full blown migraine. Ashton helped me to our room and hung blankets to black out all of our windows. He then took Rooney and let me recover, checking in on me every so often. I am so lucky to have a man so willing to fight my stubbornness and know exactly what I need. \\

I am so grateful to be Ashton's wife and Rooney's mother.

Happy Mother's Day!

bath time

Rooney LOVES her baths. She would just sit in the water forever if she could. She loves it so much, that getting out means the biggest crying fits that she can throw. I love that she is a water baby.

here are a collection of her bath pictures. just because i love it.

b y u

Ashton started back at BYU last week! We went with him before school started to pick up books (and buy chocolate covered cinnamon bears). I was excited to show Roo my favorite college campus!

selfie in the wilk

 my favorite library

so many hours were spent in the mckay building!

the y

my go-to treat

the bean museum. they've changed it since i was last there & how it was my whole childhood. truth be told, i miss the old bean museum.

I am excited to have an excuse to be on campus again. I really loved the four years I spent there. It is a special place - a place that is near and very dear to my heart.

tulip festival

Aubrey was in town last week. It is always such a blast to have her around. We get to reminisce (which we could do for hours), catch up, laugh until we cry, dance, eat chocolate covered cinnamon bears, talk/watch sports - - we are a best friend match made in heaven.

Last Tuesday, we visited the tulip festival at Thanksgiving Point. Neither of us had ever been. It was beautiful! A little pricey, but worth a visit at least once!

saturday mornings

are made for sleeping in.

a baby shower for roo

Last weekend, we celebrated Roo with the Smith family and friends. Roo was spoiled rotten! It was a wonderful afternoon spent with some of our favorite people.

roo and her cousin marci

aubrey was in town for the weekend and was able to make it to the shower! it was so much fun to have my best friend meet my best baby. you can tell by her little smirk that roo loves her aunt.