she is here

And everything about it is a miracle.

First, I didn't think I could carry a baby full term after two miscarriages. That made me a pretty paranoid pregnant lady for the entire course of my pregnancy.  

I wasn't feeling her move as much late last week. Monday morning I was a mess. I had felt movement the night before, but they weren't her normal kicks and jabs. We said prayers and by the time I got to work, I was feeling her kick up again. But, Wednesday was different and I felt that something was wrong. I had felt her rolling around Tuesday night but come 10:30 Wednesday morning, I hadn't felt anything from her. I decided I needed to see my doctor right then, even though I had an appointment with her at 3:45. When I told my para I needed to call my doctor, I started crying and that was when I knew something was wrong.

{Sidenote: on Monday Ashton started picking our car up from my school on the way to work so that he could come and get me at school if I started going into labor. We couldn't have added that new routine to our schedule at a better time.}

Ashton picked me up from work and we got to the hospital by 11:15 ish. Mom met us there. They got me in for some non stress testing and an ultrasound. We could see her heart beating but when I had a contraction (one so small, I couldn't feel it), her heartrate dropped. The nurses kept talking over the sound of her slowing heartbeat like it was fine but when I asked them what it meant, their faces got serious. The nurses told me that it dipping like that wasn't a good sign and if it happened again, today was going to be baby day. Within five minutes, it happened again and this time her heartrate went way low - to the point that I cried out to Ashton and my mom that I felt like I was watching my baby die. It was absolutely terrifying to know my baby was struggling. Mom ran out of the room so fast to grab a nurse. 

They put me in a room where they were going to try and induce me by popping my bag of waters. That was the most painful ten minutes of my life and they weren't even successful. Rooney was so far back and even though I was slightly dialated, they couldn't get the position quite right. 

I can't remember what they were discussIng at that point or if they had decided that we were doing a c section no matter what (because I must have missed that). I was given a catheter - another painful minute and an anesthesiologist gave me a run down on what he might use in whichever situation I might find myself and baby in. 

Her heartbeat slowed and everything seemed still for a split second. The nurses went silent, but were moving fast. Things were needing to happen right now. There wasn't even time for dad and Ashton to give us a blessing. The more that I think back on this moment, the more I think that they weren't saying much for my benefit. Something serious was happening and baby needed out. 

 I remember being in a panic. I hadn't even been able to do more than look at mom with pleading eyes as they rolled me away and  into the OR as tears rolled down my face. Ashton held on to me as we were surrounded by at least ten people.  I was given a spinal block, went numb, and not even ten minutes later the doctor told Ashton to look up and I heard the most beautiful cry in the world. Rooney was here. All 6 pounds and 18 inches of her. She scored a 9 on the Apgar and everyone kept telling me she was perfect.

Ashton was able to hold her and we got a couple of pictures of our new family of three. She knows how to make some seriously adorable faces and came into the world with the cutest furrowed brow scowl there ever was.

After the surgery, I went into recovery as they took Ashton and Rooney into the nursery so all of our family (who gathered in super speed time) could see her. 

Sitting in the recovery room, waiting to see her was the hardest. But I could hear my family in the hallway oohing and ahhing over her which made me jealous and calmed my heart at the same time. After a half hour or so, without my baby, sitting in recovery, they brought her to me and it was perfect. She is SGA (small for gestational age) and that means a few extra tests. She needed me to feed her  and then they had to take a blood sugar test. Anything above 45 is good. She scored a 48 after the first feeding and a 60! after the second.

Update: the blood sugar saga lasted almost our entire stay at the hospital. We got to the final test and her numbers went below 45 and we had to start again. Luckily, we were able to keep them up after that. 

Nothing of my delivery went the way I had planned (imagined my whole life) it to go. They have checked out my placenta thinking that is why she was so small, but everything looked normal. There is no explanation for why Rooney had to come into the world this way.  

I am sitting here with her lying on my chest and Ashton asleep on the super uncomfortable hospital bed, feeling so blessed. If I hadn't come to the hospital this morning, things could have turned out very differently and with many more sad tears. The timing was perfect and everyone kept telling me my mother's extinct was spot on. I think it was so much more - the Holy Ghost was with me, sending me promptings to get things checked out.

It was the most whirlwind of a day. 

We got to the hospital at 11:15 and at 12:56, she was born. Ashton and I are parents to the most beautiful girl and I am so thrilled that she is here and healthy.