almost.the.end

i have been terrible at keeping the blog up to date this summer.

in my defense, i have a nearly 4 month old, a sassy two year old, & my husband has spent all summer in oklahoma. 

that also means, a lot has been going on. a lot of late nights with a lot of thoughts & no one to share them with. so, i have a list of post ideas on my phone & maybe, someday, they will be written.

tonight, i have to get my thoughts out.

ashton's final (& biggest) evaluation is tomorrow. the evaluation process happens over three days with 4 different evaluations spread between those days. two grounds evals (taxing of the airplanes) & two locals evals (take off & landing). grounds are easier & locals are more intense & therefore worth more points.

on wednesday, ashton had a grounds eval in the morning with a local in the afternoon. he did awesome & finished the day with the highest score. today, he had a grounds & did well, because he is amazing. others are doing well, too, but lots of people are going home. 

today, while telling me how he did i heard him say, "ya, i did alright, thanks. it was nice knowing you man." & my heart broke. he told me that this particular guy needed to score an 85 of his local to continue. he got an 84 (which is an insanely good score!). one mistake, worth 16 points. i just cannot even imagine. it's like ashton is in this cut throat reality tv show. of the 18 people his class started with, only 9 are left. tomorrow can send a few more home too. i just can't even imagine - coming this far &, just like that, it's over. i know it is hard on ashton too. he is such a kind soul.

anyway, he has his final local tomorrow & he is pretty sure he is going to get the tough evaluator. now ashton has done so well with previous evals & his exams from earlier, that he will definitely pass, so i am not worried about that.

i am just sitting here, knowing that at 6:30 am, my time, he will be going into his final eval. i know it will be hard. & i can only imagine how nervous he must feel. i hate it. i hate not being with him. i want to hug him, to give him a kiss, & wish him good luck in person. 

so here i am, at 11:10 pm, too nervous/anxious to embroider (because my hands are too sweaty to get a good grip on the needle), sleep, watch a show, or listen to a talk. tomorrow morning, our lives change. 

within a week, everything we own will be packed, loaded into a u-haul, &  a new adventure begins. so many emotions in that thought too. sadness - - - knowing that we are leaving family for an unknown period of time. excitement - - - a home! my husband back! a new place to learn to love &  explore. anxiety - - - finding a place to live in on such short notice. stress - - - because, MOVING!

but yayyyy ashton is coming home in a few days

my ramblings. thoughts i don't want to forget.