this is us

i am sure you have all seen the trailers for This is Us. it started last week and the second episode is on tonight. this afternoon, i had about an hour of alone time (yay for naps!) & decided it was the perfect time to watch what i knew would become my favorite show. i wanted to watch it alone because i knew i would sob.


& cry i did.


i can't watch (or hear) about the loss of a baby, scary delivery, or pregnancy in general anymore without getting emotional.


anyway. it's more than just the baby stuff. it is about learning to love yourself. learning to forgive others. working to be better. & family.  life is tough. way tougher than any of us are prepared for. yet the twist & turns have the ability to change us for the better, if we let them.


so. because i love good things (& milo ventimiglia) - watch this show.

meeting with the fertility specialist

the day finally came to meet with our specialist.


i was really anxious going into it. but, we met dr. hatasaka & everything was calm. he spent a good 45 minutes just talking with us, telling us about recurrent pregnancy loss, statistics, & overall, how we just don't know much when it comes to infertility.


technically, i've only had two viable miscarriages - my second miscarriage falls under a chemical loss. he said that with those statistics & the fact that i've got rooney, my chances of having a healthy pregnancy is at least 60% if not more. those are good odds. though, my current statistics (75% loss, 25% baby) aren't quite there.


he also gave me a few things to focus on when we try again.


the first thing he mention was how overworked my reproductive system is - which totally made sense, i just had never thought about it. i went of birth control, got pregnant, miscarried, one cycle, got pregnant, miscarried, one cycle, got pregnant with rooney. one cycle when she was about 12 months old, got pregnant, miscarried. so he suggested giving my body a few cycles to recuperate.


the next thing he talked about was caffeine. there is a correlation - the more caffeine one consumes, the higher the chances of miscarriage. i love diet coke, but i don't drink it all that much, so i am not too worried about it.


he also asked how much i weighed when i got pregnant with rooney. apparently fat can make a big difference - even if it is just 10 pounds.


then he suggested one last blood test, but it is something we can't afford at this time.


so that's where we are right now. i am feeling better about everything, really calm, which is such a welcome change.

BADRAT day 6 & goodbyes

carlsbad

mornings at the homestead are delicious, beautiful, & relaxing. kathy always has some kind of treats - waffles, baked oatmeal, pear muffins! yummmm.

 rooney being cute.

we spent the afternoon at the beach i spent most of my teenage years going to. i even had a high school friend come meet us there - it was so much fun catching up!

ashton loves sharks. & luckily, the hofers had real boogie boards for us to borrow. 

 morgan! she has been a friend of mine since 6th grade!? crazy.

 amber & i got to spend some time in the water!

After the beach, we watched the BYUvUofU game (sad loss for the cougars) & ate delicious woodfire pizza under twinkling stars.

after driving the day's back to lax & saying our goodbyes, we made the long trek back to utah. it's been just over two weeks & we miss the days like crazy. i can't wait for our next adventure!


we stopped at farm basket in vegas - it was robi's favorite place plus it's really good. rooney enjoyed it! & i loved feeling like ashton & roo got a little glimpse of robi.

BADRAT day 5

DISNEYLAND

after a refreshing day at the beach, we were ready to walk our feet off, stuff our bellies with churros, and ride everything! poor dalton woke up with a runny nose, but he was a total champ.

 waiting in line for peter pan. of course, it broke down minutes before we got on. it's always worth the wait though.

all she ever wants to do is ride the "neigh"

i kept trying to get them to look up. lucky for me, the monorail honked just then! 

 churros & the sweet disney shirt brant made for the littles.

 splash mountain with my hunk

 rooney was really sad when she wasn't able to see winnie the pooh (the only character she wasn't scared of & of course we just missed the line). so she found a toy to carry around with her & that's exactly what she did. she loves her pooh bear.

i wish we could make this get together & adventure a regular thing!

BADRAT day 4

moonlight beach

like i said before, the beach is my happy place. it makes me even happier to see rooney love it as much as i do. but before we even started having fun at the beach, we got lunch at mr. taco. delicious!

 she loved it so much, we had to hold her with both hands to keep her from running all the way in.

the boys off to boogie board. ashton broke his board - the waves were crazy & the board was cheap.

 cheesing & posing.

 sand monster baby!

 these two!

after a good afternoon of beach fun, Rooney got to feed Waddles the duck some watermelon. she loved watching/chasing/following Waddles everywhere.

we finished the day with dinner at my favorite pizza place ever. so many memories here. & it's always the most fun to share those memories with my sweet little family.

BADRAT day 3

CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE!

wednesday was the perfect day for california adventure. the weather was nice. the crowds weren't too bad. the babes were rockstars. it was such a fun day.

 they obviously didn't know the greatness that awaited them!

 while the men rode, we took the kids to the bugs life movie.

 happiness

 roo would be content to just ride the carousel over & over.

 i love how much she's into cheesing/posing these days.

 we tried the disney corndogs for the first time. let me tell you - they are everything you'd expect from disney!

the whole gang