if you've been reading my blog, you know that my downs have been outnumbering my ups. miscarriage is hard. waiting (for blood tests & your next cycle for more tests) is hard. everything else that comes with life is hard.
but something happened this weekend. i taught a lesson about the priesthood to the beehives in my ward & while preparing it, i was filled with the spirit & a reminder of the love i have in my life.
i was prompted to read a letter from porter who is currently serving an lds mission in san jose, california. he sent me a clip from my great great grandma Lerona's journal. she was blessed with many visions & the records she kept of it are now blessing me & i am sure all of her posterity. anyway, what she wrote is very special & dear to my heart & it helped me feel peace.
i also spent all of my last post talking about choosing how we react. & mel has told me so many times that after she lost eloise, she had to choose to be happy. & like my dad said after my first loss, "can you be happy along the way?".
after reading Lerona's journal, it just clicked. things changed. my heart felt healed. that does not mean i don't get teary eyed or stop missing my three angels, but i am full of comfort & a surety that they are waiting for me. it also doesn't mean i haven't stopped reaching out & talking to my friends who are struggling with loss as well. while i have finally accepted things & truly been happy again, talking about these trials continues to bring peace.
i am choosing to stay happy.
won't you be happy with me?
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