and baby #2 is a...

** i fixed the link. video should actually work now!


ashton & i had gone in for the anatomical ultrasound appointment on friday. the tech was super. i closed my eyes while ashton saw the gender of our baby. but i saw everything else. baby moved a lot. kept hands over its face. everything was there. it was magical. & so comforting.


so we decided that to celebrate the end of 2016 & this baby, we needed to invite our families over for treats & a gender reveal!!!!


before the party, we started with chinese food - a tradition i think that my little family has created & i am totally happy with that.


we played games, we watched the jazz win, & then it was time for the big news! ashton took over in the planning of how it was going to happen because, well, he was the only one who knew. he took rooney into our room & had two outfits for her - one that was pink & one blue. right before he was going to open the door ---


the power went out.


not a joke. it was the perfect timing.


so we got our phones out & turned the lights on. here's video of it happening!


SURPRISE!

baby...

is...

a...



BOY!!!!

after we saw rooney's outfit, we gathered all the candles & had celebrated for 10ish minutes in semi darkness.

 the lights came back on as this picture was being taken.

we are so excited. i can't stop smiling when i think about it. or whenever i feel him fluttering around. rooney was mostly excited to lick all the frosting off her cupcake, but she is quick to give baby kisses & is so ready to be a smothering big sister.

happy new year!

i know lots of people are ready for 2016 to be over, but, honestly, i loved 2016. here are just a few of the reasons why (and only a small handful of pictures).

•  Rooney turned ONE!!! watching rooney grow has been fulfilling, frustrating, and so much fun. she constantly keeps us laughing. she is beautiful. sassy. stubborn. & 100% perfect.

• i began working with canyons school district again. hourly & it's been the perfect, flexible job for me.
• we visited california & went to disneyland (twice!), new york, bear lake, & yellowstone!

• most of our summer was spent celebrating friends & family & their marriages!

• a new niece!

• air traffic control opened up a bid! (lots prayers that we find out soon that ashton has made it into the academy)

• i opened up my hoops&threads shop on etsy! 

• we moved & now have our own space! 

• we got pregnant (also twice) & this baby is thriving! i learned a lot about my body and was very humbled through another miscarriage. i have also learned to celebrate every single day with this baby.

• we were surrounded by family & friends.

i just went through all of my 2016 photos (there are A LOT) & i couldn't believe how blessed we have been or how absolutely perfect baby rooney was. toddler rooney is fun, but my heart misses my baby, bad. 

thank you to all of our friends & family who have supported us, loved us, & shared memories with us during the last year. i feel immensely blessed.


*here's to 2017!

& (hopefully) better documentation of our life!

my post-christmas pregnant-lady miracle

you guys, christmas was beautiful. but before i tell you about our wonderful little christmas, i must tell you my story from tonight.


i am 19 weeks pregnant & just starting to get my appetite back. rarely having food cravings (mostly just beans ((more on that to come)) & chili's honey chipotle crispers so far...), but my food aversion towards pretty much everything has lessened big time. anyway, tonight i got a craving.


i wanted really good beans - like from the yummiest mexican restaurants, or rubios, but we don't have a rubio's nearby. i looked on yelp to see if i could find anything close. of course, there was costa vida or cafe rio & that got me thinking about a warm pork burrito...suddenly that & beans was just what i needed for dinner.


since we just spent $$$ on christmas, i didn't want to spend money on something silly like my bean/burrito craving. so i started looking for coupons. "download the app & get a free drink!" close, but i would still feel guilty spending money...


ashton asked if i had any cafe rio stamp cards. i quickly grabbed my wallet & found a card with six stamps on it. sooo close. i was heart broken. you guys, i really wanted this food! i dumped my wallet out & guess what i found!


another card with...


four stamps on it!!!!


we had it! i had 10 stamps! the hormones + my stomach + knowing i was going to eat what i wanted nearly brought tears to my eyes. i was ridiculously happy.


& I got my delicious pork burrito with a yummy side of black beans. i am a very happy 19 week pregnant mama with a very content stomach - though i have to say my burrito was seriously lacking in the pork area...oh well. i am still happy.

** if you have a delicious bean (black beans, refried beans, etc..) recipe, please send it my way. i need to make a large amount so that i don't have to go spending $ to satisfy this craving.

update

hello there. it has been a while. and life has been crazy, but absolutely wonderful too.


first of all.


when we were in with the fertility specialist, turns out i was pregnant. not very far along, but pregnant! and this baby has been sticky! i am nearly 19 weeks along. we find out gender next friday! it will make a wonderful way to ring in the new year.


next.


we moved. just about a half hour north into a basement apartment. our landlords happen to be some of my favorite people in the world. & ashton's parents. it's nice to be in our own space and we sure have spread out to fill this whole place. rooney spends most of her days running between rooms and leaving toys everywhere she goes.


then.


ashton to the ATSA (the air traffic control aptitude test) the monday before thanksgiving. we are waiting to hear his results and if he will be going to the academy in 2017. this has been one crazy journey and they keep making it longer - the FAA just extended the test to january 30th, which is a bit ridiculous because we were told everyone had to take it by december 15th. also, they released a study guide for the test around december 10th, well after most of the applicants took the test. i've got all the eyerolls about this, but ashton is patient and calm about all of it. because he's the greatest and everyone would be lucky to have him working in a tower or control center somewhere.


also.


i'm still working as a new teacher coach. this year has been different and eye opening. also exhausting as the beginning of this pregnancy had me wiped out/sick as a dog. still doing hoops&threads and loving all the custom orders i have been blessed to do recently. it has been a lot of fun and really pushed what i thought i was capable of. this will take you to the hoops i have made.


finally.


we are doing wonderfully & feeling completely blessed with where we are.

she is here

And everything about it is a miracle.

First, I didn't think I could carry a baby full term after two miscarriages. That made me a pretty paranoid pregnant lady for the entire course of my pregnancy.  

I wasn't feeling her move as much late last week. Monday morning I was a mess. I had felt movement the night before, but they weren't her normal kicks and jabs. We said prayers and by the time I got to work, I was feeling her kick up again. But, Wednesday was different and I felt that something was wrong. I had felt her rolling around Tuesday night but come 10:30 Wednesday morning, I hadn't felt anything from her. I decided I needed to see my doctor right then, even though I had an appointment with her at 3:45. When I told my para I needed to call my doctor, I started crying and that was when I knew something was wrong.

{Sidenote: on Monday Ashton started picking our car up from my school on the way to work so that he could come and get me at school if I started going into labor. We couldn't have added that new routine to our schedule at a better time.}

Ashton picked me up from work and we got to the hospital by 11:15 ish. Mom met us there. They got me in for some non stress testing and an ultrasound. We could see her heart beating but when I had a contraction (one so small, I couldn't feel it), her heartrate dropped. The nurses kept talking over the sound of her slowing heartbeat like it was fine but when I asked them what it meant, their faces got serious. The nurses told me that it dipping like that wasn't a good sign and if it happened again, today was going to be baby day. Within five minutes, it happened again and this time her heartrate went way low - to the point that I cried out to Ashton and my mom that I felt like I was watching my baby die. It was absolutely terrifying to know my baby was struggling. Mom ran out of the room so fast to grab a nurse. 

They put me in a room where they were going to try and induce me by popping my bag of waters. That was the most painful ten minutes of my life and they weren't even successful. Rooney was so far back and even though I was slightly dialated, they couldn't get the position quite right. 

I can't remember what they were discussIng at that point or if they had decided that we were doing a c section no matter what (because I must have missed that). I was given a catheter - another painful minute and an anesthesiologist gave me a run down on what he might use in whichever situation I might find myself and baby in. 

Her heartbeat slowed and everything seemed still for a split second. The nurses went silent, but were moving fast. Things were needing to happen right now. There wasn't even time for dad and Ashton to give us a blessing. The more that I think back on this moment, the more I think that they weren't saying much for my benefit. Something serious was happening and baby needed out. 

 I remember being in a panic. I hadn't even been able to do more than look at mom with pleading eyes as they rolled me away and  into the OR as tears rolled down my face. Ashton held on to me as we were surrounded by at least ten people.  I was given a spinal block, went numb, and not even ten minutes later the doctor told Ashton to look up and I heard the most beautiful cry in the world. Rooney was here. All 6 pounds and 18 inches of her. She scored a 9 on the Apgar and everyone kept telling me she was perfect.

Ashton was able to hold her and we got a couple of pictures of our new family of three. She knows how to make some seriously adorable faces and came into the world with the cutest furrowed brow scowl there ever was.

After the surgery, I went into recovery as they took Ashton and Rooney into the nursery so all of our family (who gathered in super speed time) could see her. 

Sitting in the recovery room, waiting to see her was the hardest. But I could hear my family in the hallway oohing and ahhing over her which made me jealous and calmed my heart at the same time. After a half hour or so, without my baby, sitting in recovery, they brought her to me and it was perfect. She is SGA (small for gestational age) and that means a few extra tests. She needed me to feed her  and then they had to take a blood sugar test. Anything above 45 is good. She scored a 48 after the first feeding and a 60! after the second.

Update: the blood sugar saga lasted almost our entire stay at the hospital. We got to the final test and her numbers went below 45 and we had to start again. Luckily, we were able to keep them up after that. 

Nothing of my delivery went the way I had planned (imagined my whole life) it to go. They have checked out my placenta thinking that is why she was so small, but everything looked normal. There is no explanation for why Rooney had to come into the world this way.  

I am sitting here with her lying on my chest and Ashton asleep on the super uncomfortable hospital bed, feeling so blessed. If I hadn't come to the hospital this morning, things could have turned out very differently and with many more sad tears. The timing was perfect and everyone kept telling me my mother's extinct was spot on. I think it was so much more - the Holy Ghost was with me, sending me promptings to get things checked out.

It was the most whirlwind of a day. 

We got to the hospital at 11:15 and at 12:56, she was born. Ashton and I are parents to the most beautiful girl and I am so thrilled that she is here and healthy. 

38 weeks.

baby girl is due in two weeks! march 31st finally, sort of, feels close.

that means things like:

- a few days ago, I squatted to clean Thor's face and tore one of my two pairs of maternity pants. super cool.

- my feet are so swollen. my ankles have disappeared.

- nesting. as much as i can anyway. (i am always tired and have to put my feet up as much as possible in an attempt to keep them from turning into sausages)

- i am running out of time to make sure i have everything ready for maternity leave at work! 6 weeks of sub planning is quite the chore - especially when you teach 5 different classes everyday.

- i had three baby showers in one week and we were spoiled rotten. she will be the best dressed bundle of love ever.

- our nursery is finally beginning to look like a nursery and it is adorable!

- i had a cough for at least 10 days. coughing + pregnancy did not mean good things for my poor bladder.

- songs like "my girl" and "baby mine" make me cry.

- getting dressed every morning is the biggest chore. lifting my legs to put on pants is a joke. trying to put shoes on is impossible. 

- pregnancy brain is for real. and it is bad.

- even if i think i got a good nights sleep - my body says otherwise. i can hardly keep my eyes open.

- the waddle.

One of my students lovingly asked what I have been calling baby girl while she is in my belly. When I told him I normally just call her baby girl, he said, "You should call her meatball." It has stuck in my classroom and I regularly get asked how Meatball is doing. I love it. I also love how excited they are for her to get here. They started counting down the days until her due date.

So, little prayers that the next 14 days go by fast or that she decides she wants to meet us before that.

third trimester

       What I've learned about pregnancy now that I am [officially] in the last trimester!

There's nothing like feeling her move and kick! I have felt attached to her since day one, but after 6 months, I feel like I know her. Every time I see my belly move or feel her kick, I can't help but smile. When I lay down at night, I cannot sleep until I feel her wiggle around.

She is officially the size of a large eggplant (according to all of my pregnancy apps) and weighs nearly 2.5 pounds!

My belly seems to grow noticeably bigger everyday!

Though, I am still working to master the cute baby bump picture. 

While, anticipating her is the greatest thing, being pregnant has had some not so pleasant side effects and while these might sound like complaints, I promise they are not! I have been very lucky and really, the worst I've experienced lately is being uncomfortable. 

Soooo, what I have learned after 6 months of pregnancy:

1. We all have those things that make us cringe. For Ashton, he hates the feeling of fabric between teeth - no holding blankets and towels in your mouth as you fold them. No sweater strings. Even if I do it, he can't take it. For me, my cringe is my belly button. I hate when people touch my belly button (and luckily that doesn't happen often). What I've realized thanks to baby girl is that it's even worse when my belly button gets touched from the inside. It's such a bizarre feeling and she likes to rub up against it a few times a day. Makes me get all crawly just thinking about it!

2. I miss sleeping on my belly so much! Sleeping is uncomfortable and full of interruptions between baby kicks, switching sides so my hips aren't hurting, and bathroom breaks. While I miss sleeping on my stomach, I really just miss sleep. 

3. I have stopped caring about things that used to be a huge part of who I am. Like shaving regularly. I swam all through high school. Shaving my legs was something I did daily. I couldn't sleep with prickly legs. Now, I'll go (at least) three days between shaving! I go as long as possible between hair washings.

Ahhh! Mostly, I just can't wait for her to be here. 

Ps. I am seriously craving jelly bellies right now.

2 0 1 4 : what a year

I just spent a good hour writing a post full of highlights from 2014. It was quite the year! But, rather than post all of our highlights (because most of them already have their own post) I want to take a minute to reflect on the year as a whole.

Almost as quickly as 2014 started, I was ready for it to be over. (I know I have talked about this a lot this year, so please feel free to skip this paragraph) We ended 2013 thinking that we were going to be parents by August, but just 8 days into the new year, I discovered that my pregnancy was actually a blighted ovum. It was devastating and to make it worse, I then miscarried in April. I know I mention these a lot, but they consumed me for months and continue to be in the back of my mind at all times. I will say though, that as hard as they were, I saw my safety net of Ashton, family, and friends go to work to take care of me. I hadn't really had the chance to see just how blessed I am from that perspective before. It was humbling and wonderful all at the same time. I can now say that I am grateful for those trials as they have taught me of empathy, love, and service.

Ashton and I have watched our family grow this year! First, we got a puppy. I knew he was just what I needed to heal my heart and he has sure done that. Thor has also shown me that Ashton is going to be a seriously amazing father. At the end of July, we discovered that I was pregnant! Waiting until September and insurance to kick in before going into the doctor was the worst, but also a huge blessing because I have been able to relax a lot and just let things happen. In November we found out that baby was a girl, and as convinced as I was that we were going to have a boy, I am so thrilled that we get to be first parents to a daughter. We have 89 days until baby girl's due date comes and I just can't wait to meet her.

Can I also brag just a bit more about Ashton? I have never had anyone wait on me like Ashton. I am past the sick phase of pregnancy and more into the I can hardly move stages. He never complains and is so quick to help me get my boots on and off. He sets up my pillows for bed each night - one behind my back, two under my head, one to hold my belly, and two to support my legs. He helps me out of bed, even for my bathroom runs in the middle of the night. He sets up the humidifier every night. I never thought of service as one of my love languages, but it most absolutely has become one. I loved him a lot back on May 24, 2013, but that is nothing compared to the love I feel for him now.

So, in recap, 2014 taught my heart to grow in so many ways. I look forward to what lessons are hidden in 2015 - which I am sure there are many as lots of changes are coming our way.

Happy 2015!!!

an emotional breakdown? what?!

Everyone says that the first hint to them being pregnant was because they were suddenly emotional - like crying at commercials and silly things.

I never went through that...

until yesterday.

I love watching movies while I get ready for work. It normally takes me a few days to get through a movie. I watched Sense and Sensibility late last week (oh my gosh, favorite) and cried at the right parts, like when Edward says he isn't married to Lucy Steele and Elinor can't contain her sobs. I always cry then so I didn't think anything of it.

The last movie I watched was One Day - it is currently on Netflix. I mean, I liked it, but Jim Sturgess' character was not really my favorite. Until the romance we are waiting for, finally happens and Jim Sturgess becomes a decent man! And then, yesterday morning, after I had fallen in love with the characters and I was fixing my lunch, absolute tragedy struck. Of course, mom walked down right as I gasped and then broke out into full on, can't talk, sobs. The worst part was I had to leave right then! The tears followed me throughout the day and when I finally finished the movie that night, they turned back into sobs.

Anyway, thinking about it still makes me cry. And now the movie has a special place in my heart.

Then that night we watched Validation at a training and, of course, I had to hide my tears at the end.

And that is about as emotional as I have gotten this pregnancy. Not bad considering I am 24 weeks in!

g r a t i t u d e

It's that time of year. The time when we dream of turkey, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin everything. That time when we get an extra long weekend. That time when, despite all of the cold and grey, everyone has extra holiday pep in their step. But more importantly, it is that time where we sit back and reflect on all those things we are grateful for.

My heart is overwhelmed when I think of all that is happened so far in 2014.

2014 had a very rough start for us with a miscarriage in January and one again in April. And while it still hurts, a hurt that will never go away, it has made me beyond grateful for where we are now. Here I am, 22 weeks pregnant with a sweet baby girl. I know all parents love their children, but I truly believe my love for this baby is not different, but comes with a lot more thankfulness.  My best friend sent me this post she had found and it is perfect, especially her last paragraph which includes,  "Infertility sucks for everybody it touches. But it's also it's own kind of wonderful, I think. Especially once the baby you've fought for is won. Those babies are spectacular; those babies are worth it." Baby girl is my miracle. (I have a collection of articles and links that helped me through everything and, like I have said before, someday they will make their way to my blog)

I am also grateful for the time we spent in Minnesota. I love and miss all of our friends there. Sure, the winter was miserably cold, but it was also a lot of fun! Lots of movies, crafts, games, and time inside.  We grew a lot, met many amazing and wonderful people, and most importantly, learned to be married (which, if I haven't mentioned before, is really easy when you're married to Ashton).

And that brings me to Ashton. Wow did I score. He has seen me on a rollercoaster of feelings this year and he continues to both be patient with me and everyone. Watching him has taught me to have patience. And then there is the way he takes care of me. When I would get sick, he just sat in the dark room with me, magically appearing with water, saltines, tylenol, and even mac 'n cheese. It is fun to watch him get ready to be a dad, snuggling with Millie and caring for our handsome pup.

Then there is Thor. I am grateful for a dog that has a cute whine and no idea how to mean bark. He only has accidents occasionally. He loves people almost as much as he loves food. And he is the perfect dog for our family.

Family. I am so grateful for my family. After a year in Minnesota, which was great, but we sure missed having family around. Now, we get to live with my parents and see them ALL of the time. "It's the best! I love it." And my fantastic in-laws (I seriously could not have married into a better family) are only half an hour away. We are so blessed to be surrounded by people we love so much.

I am grateful for my friends. You guys know who you are. To those who send me the thinking of you texts just when I need them. Or the flowers that made everything better. The friends who I can meet up with for breakfast and spend hours just talking with. Or the friends that live far away, the ones I get to see once a year if I am lucky. To those friends who we watch Tom Hanks movies with. The friends who we make plans with for more than a year from now (here's to summer 2016!). To those friends that I can always be my true BYU fanatic with. My friends are the greatest.

I am grateful for my job. Teaching has gotten hard (it has changed a lot over the past 6 years), but my students this year are amazing with their kind words, pictures, and little notes. Middle school isn't so bad after all :)

Most of all I am grateful for the gospel, for my Savior, and that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am so grateful that Ashton and I were able to be sealed in the temple for time and all eternity just over a year and a half ago. I am grateful to know that families are forever. Grateful for the relationship I have with my Savior. Grateful for a prophet to guide and lead us in these latter days. Grateful for the Book of Mormon. I have truly felt my Heavenly Father's love throughout this year and my life - for that, I am so grateful.

week 15

Life has been pretty boring ever since we have found out I was pregnant. Boring in every sense except for the fact that I am growing a baby!

It is probably boring because Ashton and I are back to work, our siblings are back to school, and we have yet to make new couple friends in our area. But in my defense, by the time I get home from work, I am ready to crash - and most of the time, that is exactly what I do.

But, back to baby.

Yesterday, I hit 15 weeks! In my last doctor's appointment, my awesome doctor told me that at this point, miscarriage is very unusual. It finally feels like I can relax and smile and be so happy and excited about our baby. I can feel sure in my pregnancy. It is a beautiful thing and I have been an emotional wreck waiting for this moment - not that I still don't have those minutes of worry here and there.

So, my first appointment with doctor wasn't until I was already 10 weeks along. Waiting for that day to come was hard and then going in for my first ultrasound was one of the scariest moments. (My first ultrasound back in January was when we discovered that I had a blighted ovum. I still can't breath when I remember that day.) BUT, things were 100 times different this go around. This time, we saw a beautiful, perfect baby, dancing around with a perfect little heartbeat. I am already so proud of my tiny baby, so I can totally show off with some precious ultrasound pictures, right?

Then, just last week, I went in for my second appointment and it was just as magical. We didn't get an ultrasound this time around, but we had another opportunity to hear our baby's heartbeat. Doctor warned me before she started that sometimes it takes a bit to find the heartbeat, just so I didn't get to worried. She put the cool heartbeat tool on my lower belly and there was baby's heart. She didn't have to search at all. In fact she said, "Wow! Very cooperative!" And of course, we have it recorded and I listen to it daily.

We are pretty excited to meet our baby. For those of you who are wondering, we will find out gender, but we still have another 5 weeks before that happens.

sweet baby smith

Today we made a big announcement.

We are pregnant! yayyayyay! Pregnant!

And this time we have heard a heartbeat and, while we know we aren't completely in the clear, this is the furthest we have made it.

I am a few days past 11 weeks. After my two previous miscarriages, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't announce it until I couldn't hide it anymore.

Then I read this amazing article. As I read it, my heart just about burst out of my chest. There is a life within me, my baby! I had announced to most of my family and close friends that I was pregnant in December. When I miscarried, I was devastated, but I received so much support and love. Every card, email, text, phone call, and even the flowers that were sent, buoyed me up. The second time around, I miscarried much earlier, but that didn't make it any easier. I hadn't known I was pregnant until we realized something was wrong and, while my immediate family knew, many didn't and I hated going through it "alone".

So, that is how we got here today - the earlier than planned on announcement. I have no words except that it is a miracle. Every precious life is truly a miracle and we feel so blessed that we are having this opportunity.