Clouds

On Sunday, December 9th (exactly 8 months and 3 days from the day he was diagnosed) Porter left Primary Children's Medical Center for the very last time.  It was such a happy day!  The nurses got together and sang "Happy last chemo to you" (in the tune of Happy Birthday) and Porter rang the bell! - Hopefully a post with pictures of this happy day will be posted sometime during Christmas break.

Saturday morning, my dad showed me the song Clouds by Zach Sobiech.

Zach was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in November 2009.  His tumor was found on his left femur and after a few months of chemotherapy they had it removed and his hip replaced.  After surgery, biopsy showed that the chemo had done it's job, the cancer cells had been contained and killed.  But at the end of May, 2012 (9 months after chemo had ended), they found the cancer had returned in his pelvis and lungs.  There are no known  effective treatments at this time.  They have given Zach just months, maybe a year, to live.

Zach's response to all of this is to embrace each day with hope and joy.  His song is catchy and the lyrics are touching.  "And we'll go up, up, up, but I'll fly a little higher." My heart goes out to Zach and his family.  He is an inspiration.  His song has been on repeat for the last few days and I am reminded of how sweet life is.

You can listen to his song over there ------->

And then I am sure you will want to go to iTunes and buy it.

a thankful heart

Thanksgiving is here and words will never adequately express the gratitude I have felt over the course of this year...

So I will attempt to do so through pictures!

I am thankful for:

My family.  I have always loved them, always been supported by them, and always counted them as my best friends.  BUT this year, we have seen just what we can overcome together.  So grateful.

My brother.  My Porter.  I am so amazed by everything this boy does.  He has fought cancer while not only keeping his smile, but continuing to make us smile.  He has lost the bottom part of his right leg, but never let that slow him down.  I am forever grateful for his example.  As of Wednesday morning, he only has one round of chemo left!!!

Friends like these girls.  No matter what happens, I know our relationship will never change.  Plus, we go on fun "boys trips" like our visit to Notre Dame.

My roommates.  I have always lived with girls who I love and these two are no exception.  I love our hallway heart to hearts and hilarious group texts.

  

My default best friend.  I am so lucky that I get to work with Cami!  So lucky that I get to spend almost everyday of my week with her.  Our adventures are unlike any I have had with anyone else.  I am especially grateful that I have her to hold my hand when flights get bumpy.

My classroom.  It is the cutest and is one of my favorite places in the world.  How blessed I am to have a job that I absolutely love.  Grateful for my ladies who help me make my classroom the place of love that it is.  Grateful for each of my students who show me what love is.

My students.  Old and current.  These kids have changed my life.  I am grateful for their influence.  I couldn't love them more.

I am grateful for things I have accomplished this year and friends who have helped me along the way.

 

My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins.  My heart is full when I think of them and their love and support.

Especially grateful to everyone who has become a part of my life this year and those who have sent prayers and love towards Porter during his fight.

This girl's heart is full.  I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with people you love.

a wonderful sunday - thankful for my family

This afternoon I had the chance to attend my family ward to hear my dad speak, and as an added bonus, watch Porter sit with the priests for the first time as he broke and blessed the sacrament.

Porter seems to have become the subject of my blog these last 8 or so months.  As I watched him prepare the sacrament I was overcome by the spirit.  This 16 year old boy, my brother, has gone through things that would cause many adults to give up.  Not Porter.  He is as strong and resilient as ever.  Today, I realized how lucky I am to get to watch him turn into such a worthy priesthood holder.  As I was still marveling over the influence he has had on my life, I watched him walk back to our bench.  The whole ward was gleaming.  They have watched Porter fight cancer, undergo surgery, and learn to walk with a prosthetic. I am so proud to be his sister.

Then it was dad's turn to speak.  My dad can bring the spirit to my heart in a way that no one else can.  He spoke of families, like the 2 speakers before him.  He opened by telling us of how he went to search "building family unity" and the auto-generated search engine (not really sure what it is called) brought up "building family unity through giving."  He spent the rest of his talk explaining that family unity can be built not only through serving (giving), but as well as by being on the opposite end of the spectrum and receiving such service.

Through Porter's battle, we have met many other cancer families, families whose fight is much harder than what we are experiencing.  (Please know that I am not saying Porter's experience with cancer has been easy, but we have been extremely blessed.  He has stayed relatively healthy and the chemo did exactly what it was supposed to do by killing all cancer cells in his tumor.)  We have been able to serve these families through giving trees, visits, and attendance at their fundraisers.

Dad told of the visit we recently had with Sofi.  One family night a few weeks ago, we had the opportunity to meet sweet little Sofi and her family. Sofi was born with down syndrome and a very serious heart defect.  They told her family that her condition was terminal.  They spent the first part of her very special life in the hospital.  Then Sofi was diagnosed with leukemia.  The doctors told her parents that with her heart problems, the chemotherapy could kill her and that it would be best to take her home.  As her dad is telling my family this, he gets emotional and tells us that from day one, they knew that they could never give up on Sofi, that they would have to fight for everyday with her.  If I remember correctly, Sofi has now been undergoing cancer treatments for 18 months.  She is only 5 years old.  Her story is remarkable and made for a night that I don't think any of us will forget.

Meet Sofi.  She stole my heart the moment I saw her.

Dad then began to speak of the amazing unity that being served brings.  Our ward, friends, and family have outdone themselves.  As I think about all the prayers we have felt, the blessings that fasts have given us, the hours of time spent creating Porter's fundraiser,  the strength we have felt through others support, the love and charity we have been shown - I am speechless. Dad shared a sweet story that I had never heard before.  One night he stopped by a house full of women putting together baskets for Porter's fundraiser.  He mentioned to one sister in the ward that he felt bad that so many people were giving up so much time for us, for Porter.  That night, he received an email from this sister.  He read parts of it and one part in particular touched my heart.  She said, "I wish we could do this for everyone, but it was meant to be for Porter."  Such sweet words.

What my dad said is true.  My family is proof of the unity that both sides of the "service spectrum" can bring. I have always felt close to my family, but everything that we have gone through has only amplified that feeling.  There is more patience, kinder words, and pure joy when we are all together.  I find myself on sibling dates at least once a week.  In fact, Porter and I have been planning to see the Hobbit on opening night for nearly a month now.  Last week we bought our tickets and it has turned into a family affair.  We can't seem to get enough time together and I love it that way.

Music for Monday

Monday is here...again.  Mondays are the longest day of the week.  I often go to bed Sunday with a little anxiety in my heart, not sure that I am ready for the To Do list back at work.

I can tell you that each day feels different in my classroom.  My students need some time to get back in focus after a weekend.  This often turns Monday into a day of fighting behaviors and reminding students of what our expectations are at school.

So to make Mondays better, I have found a song of the week.I love music, but I don't listen to just any one, two, or three genres.  I will play my crooners and then jump to some hip hop.  I have a weakness for boy bands and my heart melts for Usher, Brian McKnight and the likes.  I appreciate musical geniuses like John Mayer and Jason Mraz (my first real love).  I can't get enough of Tristan Prettyman's unique voice.  I often go back to my high school days with the sounds of Taking Back Sunday and Starting Line.  My latin hips move to anything by Pitbull, my latin heart swoons to the voice of Carlos Gardel and my summer in Mexico introduced me to the Mexican telanovela-turned-pop group RBD.  I must tell you though, you will never find any country music on my blog.

Today, I will introduce you to How the Day Sounds by Greg Laswell.  I heard this song a few weeks ago with my mom at TJ Maxx (so thank you TJ Maxx!).  It wasn't loud enough for me to Shazam the song so I stood under a speaker and tried to write down anything I could hear.  Luckily, that was enough for me to pull up the lyrics.  It is a feel good song that is perfect for any Monday.  You can find it on my Music for Monday playlist just to the right of this post.

Hunter's fight

Cancer brings miracles and blessings...

but it also brings more heartache and tragedy than you can imagine.

I hear stories of other young children going through their battles and all I can think is that my family doesn't even know what hard is.  Yes, my brother lost part of his leg, but yesterday he got his prosthetic (which he is doing so well on!) and come 2013, cancer will be a fight we won.

 Warning:  This post has been written through tears.

Last night, Porter's cancer buddy, Tristan, had a post on his fb page that broke my heart and has left me on practically in tears all day.  He tells of his friend Hunter.  I have not met Hunter, but if I saw him today, all I would be able to do is hug him.  Like Porter, he has been in and out of Primary's trying to fight Leukemia.  This is Hunter's story from Tristan's post:

"...Our dear cancer buddy Hunter just got done with a bone marrow transplant because of a relapse.  While he was still in ICS recovering his mother suddenly passed away from a heart attack.  That was on September 18th.  Today they learned Hunter's cancer has returned a second time and that tehre is nothing they can do for him.  They told his father, who just lost his wife two weeks ago and a baby girls 12 years ago that they needed to take his son back to Wyoming and make him comfortable for his last days here on this earth.  Hunter is nine years old.  He gets it.  He is still mourning the loss of his beloved mother and now learned he will soon join her.

I am asking for you to please send Hunter a card.  I want to flood his home with uplifting cards so he knows that we care.  Please make them happy and uplifting.  He is nine years old and loves legos and nerf guns.  He also has an 11 year old brother (his only sibling) that I am sure could use some kind words and love as well.  Please send them to:

3800 Sunset Drive #17
Rock Springs, Wyoming 82901"

Another blog about a littler girl named Cami who just finished her fight with cancer, posted a few of Hunter's journal entries.  I thought those were particularly moving.  They are:

Bad Week

Written Sep 29, 2012 3:43pm

My dad will help me keep this updated for everyone, as many people know I lost my mom, she went back to live in Heaven on Sept 18th, and on Sept 27th my dad and I found out that my Bone Marrow Transplant didn't destroy the cancer and it is back. I have to go back to the hospital on Oct 2nd and we will discuss what needs to be done to make me better. We hope and pray that there are better days ahead. 

 

Busy Week

Written Oct 3, 2012 12:55pm

Hello everyone, thank you for looking me up on my page. I love the support and love. I went to the doctor yesterday and I found out that my cancer has progressed to the point that it is no longer treatable. It hurt me to know that I may not live to be old and experience what my dad and mom did. I was scared until I had a really good talk with my dad. I know that my mom will be there to get me, but not until I have had my fun here first. I have so many things I want to do with my brother and my dad. My Make a Wish has being started and I will be going on my Disney Cruise, I am so excited. Dad is going to take me fishing this weekend if the weather is good. I haven't been fishing for a very ling time and I can't wait. I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me but I hope he will grant me some extra time to do all the things I want to do. Thats all for now, thank you.

 

*You can read Cami's post about Hunter here.

 

 

To be so strong at only 9 years old.  To have to face trials that grown adults struggle to make it through.  To stay so positive.  I can't imagine how hard his fight has been.  He is a shining light, a boy who inspires me.  I would like to join Tristan, Cami, and their families, by encouraging all of you to send him your love.  Please remember his dad, Phil, as well as his brother, Buster, in the words you send their way.

Again, their address is:

3800 Sunset Drive #17
Rock Springs, Wyoming 82901

Porter strong.

My heart is about to explode!  I will never be able to express how much love and gratitude I have felt over the last 6.

When Porter was diagnosed, the love came pouring in.  People from our community, ward, past wards, friends, and family were instantly by our side.  None of us have spent any of the last few months fighting alone.  

Almost instantly after Porter was diagnosed, a group of people got together with Anything For A Friend and started planning Porter's fundraiser.  On Saturday, that fundraiser happened and it was one of the most wonderful events I have ever been to.  It was overwhelming to see how many people came!  All of it was so well organized and beautifully put together.  It was amazing as my family was able to come in and simply enjoy the whole thing (even through our tears of love and joy). People who didn't know my brother came.  People who didn't even know my family came!  Friends from southern California made their way up to run with Porter.  I had FIVE students (past and present) come to support us.  It fills my heart with so much love.

I have a sweet story I have to tell.  As I have mentioned many times before - I love my job. In fact, I don't think that quite says it right.  I LOVE my job is more like it.  My first year of teaching was a dream come true.  That was when I met my Alex.  He still is an answer to many of my prayers.  When I am with him, I can feel my Savior.  I have no doubt that he has a very close, very real relationship with Christ.  He is an example to me of pure innocent Christlike love.  I could go on and on and on and on about this sweet boy.  He came to the fundraiser and surprised me.  Our reunion was priceless.  He giggled and screamed my name as he ran to me.  I held him and didn't want to let go.  He started asking me about Porter and I showed him a picture.  It was a picture of Porter when we went to BYU's practice.  He had his cast on.  Alex asked me Porter was hurt.  I told Alex that Porter had been very sick and that they had to remove part of his leg so that he could get better.  Alex looked at me with sad eyes and simply said, "oh...ouch."  Later, Alex saw Porter and walked right up to him and gave him a hug.  Two of my favorite boys became more than just friends.  Alex became a part of my family.  Thank you Kira, Bob, and Janae for bringing Alex and being a part of my heart.  I love you all so much.

The event opened with a 5k.  I can't explain what it felt like to see hundreds of people out running along Highland Drive for my brother.  Kelsey and I were able to push a student from my school in his wheel chair for the whole run!  That was a very good time - especially up the hill.  He sure loved it.  We tried to keep up with Porter and the big buff men who were pushing him, but that didn't happen!  Porter crossed that finish line well before we did!

Then it was time for food, fun, auctions, friends and family.  We were surrounded by people who were there for one reason - my brother.

I was especially touched by two families I met that day.  They were smiling and more than excited to help.  They looked at Porter with love and empathy.  Both of them have recently lost boys to cancer.  I think of them and my heart breaks.  We are constantly reminded how blessed we are to get to know so many wonderful people through Porter's fight.  To those two families - you will forever be a part of our lives.  I can't thank you enough for your sweet examples.

I don't think I can even begin listing everyone who helped with the fundraiser.  I want to thank each of you.  Everyone who put in hours of preparation.  Everyone who came and donated.  Everyone who couldn't make it, but donated anyway.  I want to thank all of you who have supported my family, especially Porter.

I want to tell Porter how proud I am of him.  I know that all my sisters would agree with me when I say that we are the luckiest and that he is the greatest brother in the world.  He has been such an example to us through all of this.  I love you my Poroto!!!

*** I just found out that over $55,000 was raised on Saturday.  Again, I am moved to tears.  I wish there were more words to express how thankful I am.  Like my dad said on Saturday, when we say thank you, we are really saying we love you. 

Happy Birthday!

Today is my dad's birthday!

For some reason, thinking of him and all that he has done for me, always makes me tear up.  There is no man out there like my dad.  They always say a girl marries a man like her father.  I know I am not married, but I am almost instantly drawn to men who remind me of my dad.  And there are many reasons why...

One of the things I love most about dad is his sweet testimony.  He is so strong and firm in the gospel.  I don't know that I have ever seen him show as much emotion as he does when he bares his testimony.

He does not make decisions without the Lord. Once upon a time, I was put on a wait list for the Special Ed program at BYU.  It was dad who talked me through it.  That is one of my favorite memories with him.  I sat on the floor in some random hallway in the library on the phone with dad.  He just told me of all his experiences and challenges he had been going through at that time.   He told me how his career path had been made through prayer.  He had recently quit his job and didn't necessarily have another job in line, but he wasn't worried.  I cherish that conversation.

He laughs.  And makes others laugh with him.

He works hard.  When life gets hard, he works harder.

He values service and has made sure that service was a part of our lives growing up.

He is wonderful with babies.  They love him.  It's no secret, he is so ready to be a grandpa.

He loves a good game.  I love going with dad to cheer on our favorite teams.

He bleeds blue.  And taught me to bleed blue too.

He is willing to try anything and is good at most everything he tries.

He taught me Van Halen.

He is logical and can help me figure out things that us emotional girls like to over analyze.

He loves my mom and shows it. Often.

He has supported me in every dream I have had.

He loves adventure.  Thanks to him I can camp, ride terrifying roller coasters, hike, fish, and be talked into jumping off a rock.

I love my dad.  Together, my parents have gotten our family through all types of trials.  I watch in awe as they support my brother in his fight.  I see so much of my dad in Porter - more than just the fact that Porter is my dad's mini me.  I have my parents to thank for who I am today.

Dad,
I am so proud to be able to call myself your daughter.  I am who I am because of your example, support, and love.  I am at a loss of words.  Nothing can express how grateful I am for all that you have given to me. I love you with all of my heart.

xoxo,
your kukiluki